Hassocks Fatboys 6-4 The Blades

Pre-season friendly
Sunday 19th August 2012
University of Brighton 3G

 

Hassocks Fatboys opened their 2012-13 pre-season campaign with an entertaining 6-4 victory over fellow Sussex Sunday League Division Five side The Blades.

A combination of the extreme heat, a chronic lack of fitness and playing on the largest pitch in Europe meant that only four outfield players completed the 90 minutes. Despite the near-constant disruption of players changing positions with the speed at which Stuart Hunter necks a pint and the Fatboys being a team of walking wounded by the end of the game, this was an impressive start for the Fatboys.

Joy turned to confusion early on when a complete breakdown in communication saw both teams start warming up on the University of Brighton pitch in yellow kits. Having seen a photo of The Blades wearing light blue playing in a game from a couple of years ago, Scott McCarthy had assumed that the Fatboys would be fine to wear their yellow away kit.

That photo in fact turned out to have been the Blades playing in their own away kit and so we had two sides wanting to play 90 minutes in identical kit. The most Sunday League start imaginable for the Fatboys. Luckily, the ever-prepared Fred Wetherill rode to the rescue.

Fred had a set of orange bibs which had been kept in the back of his car since he was manager of Hassocks in 1978, just in case he should find himself playing a Sunday League game as a pensioner 34 years later in which there was a colour clash. Wearing Fred’s orange bibs, the Fatboys took to the 3G surface looking like Ian Holloway’s Blackpool.

They started playing like Blackpool too, giving a vibrant display of attacking football. It took just five minutes for them to open their account, with Jason Pennicard the name that will go down in the history books as the scorer of the first goal for the club. With The Blades playing a dangerously high line, Pennicard timed his run to perfection to latch onto a through ball from central midfielder John Kearvill and coolly slot under the advancing ‘keeper.

The six spectators who had packed the terraces might have thought they were suffering from deja vu when the second goal arrived five minutes later. Again, Kearvill slipped in Pennicard and this time he rounded the goalkeeper before rolling home into an empty net.

It was the last action that player manager Daniel Lawrence would be on the pitch for as he became the first Fatboy to limp from the field after damaging an ankle falling awkwardly while challenging for a high ball. Rumours began to swirl after the game that he had in fact been “making a mountain out of a mole hill”, claiming the injury was so bad that he was unable to drive home in order to sink seven pints in the Club after the game. A club spokesman refused to comment.

The next Fatboys goal came from Pennicard’s strike partner, Hunter. He got himself on the score sheet and in the process dismissed the generally held believe that Geordie’s do not make good gymnasts when his acrobatic overhead kick from a Pennicard cross found the back of the net. Based on Hunter’s acrobatics, Ant & Dec can consider themselves unlucky not to be on the British Olympic Gymnastics squad.

With the back four of Andy Funnell, Andy Rumble, skipper Ron Perricard and Martyn Buxton looking solid, the manner of the first goal the Fatboys conceded could definitely be classed as a disappointment. The Blades overloaded the box from a corner and a delightful set piece delivery was headed home by the free man at the back post.

It looked at that point like the Fatboys would be content to hold onto a one goal advantage going into the break, when they could take on some much needed water and nicotine. Pennicard had other ideas though and he wrapped up a first half hat-trick, latching on to an inch perfect cross from Rhys Kearvill after a surging run down the right flank from the 17-year-old youth team prospect.

Invigorated by a stern half time team talk, The Blades made the early running in the opening exchanges of the second period and within five minutes of the restart they pulled another goal back to make it 4-2. The Fatboys showed great resilience again to respond to that setback by instantly going up the other end and netting a fifth. Substitute Scott McCarthy ‘chased’ down a back pass to put The Blades goalkeeper under his pressure. As a result, his clearance was a poor one, allowing Hunter to dink the ball back over him from the edge of the box.

The constant exchange of goals continued as The Blades grabbed another when the forward just pipped Kevin Ward to an aerial ball before directing a header past the Fatboys goalkeeper. Ward pulled off two fine saves shortly after, firstly somehow flicking the ball over the bar from a Rumble own goal attempt and then employing the unorthodox technique of flicking in an indirect free-kick into around the post with an outstretched left foot.

There was little Ward could do when The Blades made it 5-4 from the penalty spot. Minimal contact occurred between Ward and Chris Clayton, but the seven foot striker threw himself to the ground in a manner that, if it were to be copied by Tom Daley, would almost certainly have resulted in a gold medal for Team GB in the Aquatic Centre.

Clayton dusted himself down to net from 12 yards, sticking the ball in the bottom left of the goal. Rumble showed great foresight just as Clayton was about to take his spot kick, helpfully shouting “he’ll go top right” to leave Ward completely confused as to what was going on.

Despite struggling with fitness and injuries, the Fatboys could have added more once The Blades got back to within a goal. McCarthy played through Mark Potter with a defence splitting past but the midfielder saw his effort cannon off the bar and a cross to the back post from Hunter saw James Wright sky his effort over the bar.

The Fatboys did get a sixth with virtually the last touch of the game, a superb corner delivery from Rhys being volleyed home left footed at the back post by Rob Lloyd to secure a promising victory. Special mentions must go to 59-year-old Ron Pennicard who completed 85 minutes and 69-year-old Fred, who impressed on the right despite using rolled up copies of The Leader as shin pads.

When offered a set of spare shin pads before the game by Buxton, Fred had told him, “I haven’t worn shin pads in 40 years of playing football, I’m not going to start now.”

 

Hassocks Fatboys (4-4-2)

Kevin Ward
Two fine second half saves to ensure the win. Nothing he could do to keep out the penalty, especially after Rumble shouted “He’ll go top right” and the kick was duly stuck bottom left.
Andy Funnell
Solid defensively at right back and showed a willingness to get forward. Only fell over twice, a sign that the work going in on the training ground to make him more balanced is paying off.
Andy Rumble
Excelled at the back with his reading of the game and covered well for Pennicard. Despite playing alongside a 59-year-old, he was still the balder of the two centre backs.
Ron Pennicard
Defied his 59 years by lasting 85 minutes as many of his younger team mates wilted around him. Won everything in the air.
Martyn Buxton
Nothing got past him in a Man-of-the-Match showing at left back. Took advantage of the huge pitch to attack with purpose.
Rhys Kearvill
Two assists for the teenage right winger including one inch perfect cross for Pennicard to convert.
Daniel Lawrence
Looked tidy before his afternoon came to an early end with an ankle knock. Treatment for that injury consisted of a lot of beer in the Club afterwards.
John Kearvill
Two inch perfect through balls led to two assists for the magician from midfield.
Rob Lloyd
Netted with the last kick of the game to mark an impressive performance out on the left. One of the few players to last the entire 90 minutes.
Jason Pennicard
First half hat-trick of two well taken one-on-ones and a sweeping finish from Kearvill’s cross. A lethal performance and his link up play with JK in particular was very promising.
Stuart Hunter
Scored two goals of his own as him and Pennicard dominated in attack. A partnership that looks like it could guarantee goals this season.

 

Subs

James Wright
Tidy showing down the left hand side. Perhaps should have scored when he blazed a glorious second half chance over the bar.
Mark Potter
Sat in the holding midfield role. Despite the fact that because of the pitch size this meant he was around 80 yards from the opposition goal, he still managed to burst forward frequently, most notably when hitting the bar.
Fred Wetherill
Looked good when involved down the right, keeping things simple despite his lack of shin pads. The orange bibs he keeps in a car which could feature on a future episode of Antique’s Roadshow proved invaluable.
Scott McCarthy
Added a new dimension in his favoured Dimitar Berbatov role, showing some good touches. Claimed an assist for Hunter’s second.

 

Goals

05′ J Pennicard, assist J Kearvill
11′ J Pennicard, assist J Kearvill
23′ Hunter, assist J Pennicard
42′ J Pennicard, assist R Kearvill
54′ Hunter, assist McCarthy
91′ Lloyd, assist R Kearvill

 

Man-of-the-Match

A tough call between Jason Pennicard, Andy Rumble and Martyn Buxton but the latter just shades it for his performance at left back.