FC Deportivo 10-1 Hassocks Fatboys

Pre-season friendly
Sunday 26th August 2012
University of Brighton 3G

 

From the highs of a 6-4 victory over The Blades, Hassocks Fatboys were bought back down to earth with a pretty big bang as they were on the end of a 10-1 defeat against Sussex Sunday League Division Three outfit FC Deportivo.

If playing against experienced opponents two divisions higher wasn’t enough of a tough ask, losing eight players from the squad who had triumphed 6-4 against The Blades one week ago made things even harder. There is an important lesson here – never arrange a game on an August Bank Holiday Sunday when people have much better things to do than run around on the biggest pitch in Europe.

Martyn Buxton, Andy Rumble, Ron Pennicard, Rob Lloyd, Fred Wetherill, Mark Potter, Daniel Lawrence and hat-trick hero Jason Pennicard were all unavailable. That left the Fatboys with just one substitute, Ian Marriner fishing his way onto the bench for his first taste of semi-competitive football since snapping his Achilles tendon at Downlands Monday Night Football in 2010.

That Mariner was thrown into the action after just five minutes when Rhys Kearvill hobbled off with a thigh strain was from ideal, especially given that the Fatboys already had two players in their side who were carrying knocks in John Kearvill and Scott McCarthy.

It was McCarthy who had the first real chance of the match, hitting a perfect shot from 30 yards that cannoned off the crossbar. The only problem with this was that it was Kevin Ward’s woodwork that McCarthy hit after attempting an obscene aerial back pass which brought him perilously close to the first own goal in Fatboys history.

Depor were totally dominant in the opening stages and it was no surprise when they took the lead early on. Their attitude and reaction to scoring that goal suggested that they felt this was going to be an easy afternoon and while that did ultimately prove to be the case, it wasn’t before they’d received a bit of a wake up call as Laurence Robinson marked his Fatboys debut with a goal.

A 70 yard hoof out of defence from McCarthy – or in his words “a cultured diagonal played with great vision” – found the gangly forward who used his freakishly long legs to dance around two players before smashing an unstoppable effort past Nick Clayton in the Depor goal.

Given the lack of bodies and the general unfitness of the Fatboys squad, it was of little surprise that Depor’s goals came in clusters towards the end of each half as tiredness began to creep in. Depor went into half time 4-1 ahead, adding another six in the second period.

Both goalkeepers pulled off a string of fine saves across the 90 minutes. Kevin Ward’s best was a full stretch stop from Depor captain Rickey Walklett and Clayton was forced into repelling efforts from Stuart Hunter, Chris Martin and Dan Janes. Lawrence and McCarthy have spent the past six weeks trying to convince Janes to play this season, but he’s been reluctant because he didn’t fancy the idea of being thrashed every Sunday. Turns out that he may have had a point.

There was controversy towards the end of the game when the impressive Matt Martindale collided with the dugout after a shove from Deportivo’s James May (not the Top Gear presenter). May had earlier put a vicious two footed tackle on McCarthy which sent the defender into the air in a scream of pain, although most of McCarthy’s former Depor team mates had seen this sort of reaction many times before and so simply annoyed it.

Depor left back Ali Jenkins got in on the act when chasing Robinson 30 yards across the pitch to aim a kick at him and on the sidelines, Fred Wetherill had to bring out his famous death stare to silence opposition manager Jamie Stratton after he questioned an offside decision.

There was one good piece of news to come out of the day for the Fatboys as Martindale put pen to paper afterwards, so at least one man hadn’t been put off by this absolute hammering. There was no doubting that the Fatboys had been beaten by a superior side, but the main talking point back in the Club was what might have been had they been able to field a full strength side. The generally consensus was only a 6-1 defeat.

 

Hassocks Fatboys (4-4-2)

Kevin Ward
Made one superb full stretch save. He received little protection, as shown by the fact that 10 goals flew in.
James Wright
The player with the nickname ‘Lefty’ was used as a makeshift right back. Was a little too eager to bomb on at times, which left the rest of the defence exposed.
Matt Martindale
Was asked to play late on Saturday night out of pure desperation. Miraculously, he said yes. Even more miraculously, he signed on for the season afterwards in what is a real coup for the club.
Scott McCarthy
Had to play half-fit at centre back due to their being no other options. Responded by winning man-of-the-match and an Oscar for a wonderful dive and scream in the first half.
Andy Funnell
A difficult afternoon in an unfamiliar left back role. Got involved in some handbags with an opponent at one point.
John Kearvill
Another player who was forced into playing despite injured. Started on the right where he was something of a peripheral figure, he came into the game more when moved inside in second half.
Chris Martin
The strike dropped into a deeper midfield role. He still managed to have one of the Fatboys’ few chances on goal and looked good on the ball when given the chance.
Dan Janes
After not wanting to play because he didn’t want to be thrashed every week, he was finally convinced to make his debut. In a 10-1 defeat. He did look dangerous when running with the ball though.
Rhys Kearvill
Lasted just five minutes before a thigh strain ended his afternoon.
Laurence Robinson
A superb goal and caused constant problems with the ball at his feet. He will no doubt return to his Sussex County League Division One duties with Hassocks a much better player for being part of a 10-1 Sunday League defeat. Mickey Jewell can thank us later.
Stuart Hunter
Had one chance well saved but he rarely had a sight of goal otherwise.

 

Subs

Ian Mariner
Hasn’t played a semi-competitive game since snapping his Achilles two years ago. Can’t imagine having to play 85 minutes on a boiling hot day against opponents miles better was what he had in mind when he signed up, but he still managed to show some good touches out on the left.

 

Goals

17′ Robinson, assist McCarthy

 

Man-of-the-Match

Scott McCarthy was not only asked to play through the pain barrier but he did so while impressing in the unfamiliar role of centre back. Matt Martindale wasn’t far behind.