Hassocks Fatboys 3-1 Kingston Broadway
Sussex Sunday League Division Five
Sunday 6th January 2013
Waterhall
The new year got off to the perfect start for Hassocks Fatboys as they beat Kingston Broadway 3-1 to move into second spot in Sussex Sunday League Division Five. It was the Fatboys’ most commanding performance to date and without a succession of missed chances and ridiculous offside decisions, they could have had six or seven. And perhaps best of all, it was overseen by a referee who looked suspiciously like Bruce Forsyth.
Two of Daniel Lawrence’s regulars asked to sit on the bench before the game. Rhys Kearvill was too tired to start because he hadn’t slept the night before. For once, this was nothing to do with too many cans of Fosters. Instead, Kearvill had been kept awake by the noise being made by his girlfriend’s budgies. Andy Rumble meanwhile had a bad back, a stark reminder that his 30th birthday is approaching at the end of the month.
That meant a slightly unusual looking lineup for the Fatboys. Stuart Ridley was moved out to the right wing to take Kearvill’s place with Matt Martindale and Jason Gander forming a new-look centre back partnership. Jason Pennicard made his first start since the opening day in place of John Kearvill up front as JK has decided to go back into retirement because of Wednesday’s rain.
Because of all that unfamiliarity, it took the Fatboys some time to get going. Broadway dominated the opening 20 minutes and really should have been more than one goal to the good. That they weren’t was largely due to the efforts of Gander, who made two astounding goal line blocks.
One was an absolutely ridiculous overhead kick on the line and the other came when a Broadway forward skipped around Scott McCarthy but Gander somehow made it back to hack the effort away. Gander said before kick off, “I always play better when my mum watches,” and he certainly delivered on that promise, ending the game as man-of-the-match.
The one time Broadway did manage to breach the Fatboys’ resistance was a goal that was laced with controversy. Gander had embarked on a mazy, David Luiz-esque run out of defence with the ball which was brought to a halt with a ridiculous tackle which nearly broke Gander’s leg.
For good measure, the Broadway player who committed the foul then kicked out at Gander but not even that was enough to convince Brucie to blow for a foul. Instead, play continued and Broadway eventually bundled the ball home to take the lead.
Having survived that onslaught, the Fatboys began to come into the game as Mark Potter and Chris Stacey got on top of the midfield battle. The hosts should have been level when Standing’s slide rule pass played in Pennicard and although his attempts to go around the goalkeeper were successful, up went the offside flag to rule the goal out.
There was nothing that the linesman could go to deny Pennicard from his next opportunity which came 10 minutes before half time. Standing played in his strike partner and rather than attempt to go around the Broadway goalkeeper, Pennicard took the shot on early. He didn’t get much power behind the effort and it appeared like it would be an easy save but much to everyone’s surprise and the Fatboys’ delight, the ball rolled straight under the keeper’s foot and into the back of the net.
Standing rattled the bar with the last action of the first half with a deflected effort from a goalmouth scramble following a Buxton corner as the Fatboys ended strongest. They had shown that they were more than good enough to win the game if they stopped directing so much effort into moaning at Brucie, as Stacey diplomatically pointed out during the half time team talk when telling his teammates to “Stop acting like whiny fucking little bitches.”
Stacey’s words did the trick and he was the man who teed up Standing to give the Fatboys the lead on 55 minutes. Quite what Stacey was doing out on the right wing is something of a mystery as he delivered a pinpoint cross onto the head of Standing who met it with a trademark bullet header. “Didn’t he do well?” Brucie was heard to say as the ball flew into the top corner.
Standing thought he had added a second within minutes of the restart as the Fatboys regained possession. Ridley this time crossed from the right for Standing to convert, but Standing was getting nothing for a pair as the offside flag went up.
The striker had quite clearly come from behind a defender to meet the ball in, but the Broadway linesman raised his flag to chalk it off. Sadly, nobody from the Fatboys was surprised by this given what had gone on in the first half and the cheating seen in the first game between the two sides back in September. The Fatboys still managed to win that one 2-1, too.
Lawrence shuffled his pack with half an hour left to play as Kearvill replaced the tiring Pennicard. Having spent the past three months begging for a run out up front, Ridley now had his big chance and he duly took it with a lively showing, the highlight of which was an assist for the Fatboys’ third.
It arrived with 15 minutes remaining. Richard Coleman chased down what appeared to be a lost cause from right back, winning the ball to slip in Ridley who ghosted past two men and squared to Standing. With the hard work done, Standing was left to clinically finish for his second of the morning to wrap up the three points.
Broadway seemed to give up a little after that and the Fatboys had chances to make the scoreline more comfortable. Ridley went close twice when hitting the side netting and drawing a good save from the goalkeeper and Rob Lloyd dragged efforts wide of either post in another encouraging outing from the left side of midfield.
Brucie belatedly did the Fatboys a favour in the final seconds as Broadway were bearing down on goal with a three-on-one when he decided to blow the final whistle. The visitors’ despair towards the referee however was nothing compared to Coleman, who was pulled up for not one, not two but three foul throws, screaming “TELL ME WHAT I’M DOING WRONG” at the official. Coleman’s mood was not improved when Martyn Buxton then produced the most blatant foul throw of the game and play was waved on.
The victory sets up a top-of-the-table clash next Sunday with runaway leaders Hove Athletic. Points make prizes as Brucie would say and a good game, good game against Athletic would strengthen the Fatboys’ chances of finishing second in their debut campaign – as well as making them the first team to take a point off the champions-elect this season. A special note to the bumper crowd of 13 who turned out, it was nice to see them (to see them nice).
Hassocks Fatboys (4-4-2)
Scott McCarthy
Pulled off one smart second half save but other than that, the defence ensured he had a quiet morning.
Richard Coleman
Set up the third by chasing a lost cause. Strong defensively and had a spectacular meltdown after taking his third foul throw of the morning.
Matt Martindale
Second game in a row he has played at centre back. Carried on where he left off, looking good on the ball and organising the defence well.
Jason Gander
Two superb clearances off the line in the first 20 minutes. Without those, it might have been a very different game.
Martyn Buxton
Dealt with a dangerous winger well. Took the worst foul throw of the morning and somehow got away with it, much to Coleman’s displeasure.
Stuart Ridley
Started out of position on the right wing. Moved up front for the final 30 minutes, setting up Standing for the third.
Mark Potter
Spent most of the opening 20 minutes falling over. Once he had worked out how to remain upright, both he and the Fatboys were much improved.
Chris Stacey
An all action display in midfield. His half time rallying cry spurred his teammates on and five minutes later, he popped up on the right to deliver a superb cross for the second goal.
Rob Lloyd
Put in a real shift out on the left and looked particularly threatening when cutting inside. Helped Buxton out defensively.
Jason Pennicard
Marked his first start since the opening day of the season with a goal and then had one incorrectly ruled out for offside. Excellent up front with Standing.
Dave Standing
Another profitable morning for the forward who scored twice. Could have had a hat-trick were it not for the crossbar and a ridiculous offside decision.
Subs
Rhys Kearvill
Given the last 30 minutes out on the right after asking not to start because his girlfriend’s budgie had kept him awake all night. Played his part both in defence and attack.
Andy Rumble
Unused.
Daniel Lawrence
Unused.
Goals
37′ Pennicard, assist Standing
54′ Standing, assist Stacey
69′ Standing, assist Ridley
Man-of-the-Match
Jason Gander‘s two goal line clearances were the turning point, keeping the Fatboys in it. Hopefully, Mrs Gander will come and watch more often.