Hove Athletic 9-0 Hassocks Fatboys
Sussex Sunday League Division Five
Sunday 13th January 2013
Victoria Park, Portslade
The top two in Sussex Sunday League Division Five met at Victoria Park and things didn’t quite go according to plan for Hassocks Fatboys as they were hammered 9-0 (nine) by Hove Athletic in the most one-side top-of-the-table clash in football history.
This will sound like a ridiculous statement given the final score, but the Fatboys actually played some of their best football of the season in the first half to more than match the runaway leaders. Three poor goals to concede from a defensive point of view gifted Athletic a 3-0 lead at the break before the champions-elect ran riot in the second half with four of their further six goals coming in a mad 15 minutes in which the Fatboys fell apart like a wet paper towel.
The Fatboys cause wasn’t helped by inspirational vice captain Matt Martindale being struck down by illness in the week. That pressed Andy Rumble into action despite the fact that the shiny bonced defender was still suffering from the back trouble which ruled him out of last week’s 3-1 win over Kingston Broadway.
Rumble’s return was the only change as Daniel Lawrence enjoyed some consistency in his team selection for the first real time this season. The prospect of a top-of-the-table clash and becoming the first team to down Athletic’s colours this season had clearly invigorated Lawrence’s squad into making themselves available and it was an excited bunch who took to the field.
That excitement lasted all of 120 seconds before Athletic set the tone for what was to come by taking the lead. The hosts’ left winger skipped past Richard Coleman before delivering the perfect cross to the fat post. A regular sized left back might have been able to head clear, but the Fatboys found Martyn Buxton under the ball and the Athletic forward took full advantage to win the ball in the air and header home. Buxton held his hands up, saying “I’m just too short.”
Despite that early setback, the Fatboys responded well and actually had more of the ball for the next 20 minutes. Scott McCarthy was a virtual spectator as the visitors midfielder kept possession nicely, although it must be said that for all their pretty football, they never really tested the Athletic goalkeeper.
On 25 minutes, that lack of penetration came to haunt the Fatboys as Athletic doubled their advantage. The dangerous home winger again left Coleman bamboozled before opting to deliver a low pull back this time to the onrushing midfielder who slammed past McCarthy. Chris Stacey was the man to take the blame this time, saying “I was just too slow to keep up with him.”
Athletic added a third right on the stroke of halftime. The warning signs had been there when a long ball over the top caught Rumble out of position and his solution to the dilemma was to produce a rugby tackle that Manu Tuilagi would have been proud of on the opposition striker in the box.
Rumble somehow got away without a red card and minutes later, another diagonal caught him out which left the same striker with a one-on-one chance. The forward made no mistake and as a result, the Fatboys went into the break 3-0 down despite having actually played rather well.
What needed to happen in the second half was a better awareness of runners from midfield. Needless to say, Athletic scored four times within 15 minutes of the restart with three of those goals coming from that exact scenario. The other goal was harsh on the Fatboys as the referee became the only man in Portslade to have seen Stacey give an Athletic player a nudge in the back in the area to concede a penalty.
The spot kick seemed particularly ridiculous given Rumble’s wrestling of a man to the floor in the first half. Athletic made no mistake from the spot and so by the time the game reached the hour mark, the hosts were 7-0 ahead and cruising.
There was little point in keeping Bad Back Rumble on any longer and so Lawrence introduced himself to the middle of the park with Stacey dropping in at centre half. Stacey twice cleared off the line to prevent double figures while McCarthy made two stunning one-on-one saves as well as being a dominant presence coming to claim crosses. The watching Fred Wetherill named the Fatboys goalkeeper as his man-of-the-match, which seemed pretty ridiculous given that he had ended the game having conceded nine times.
Instead, the award went to Stuart Ridley. He was a lively presence down the right and then turned up to the Club afterwards with a load of bread rolls. Ridley claimed a local baker had given them to him the previous day, as if he was living in a real-life version of Beauty & the Beast. The more likely scenario is that Ridley’s girlfriend had Food Tech homework due in the next day and he helped her bake some bread.
The bread might have tasted a little better had the Fatboys notched a consolation. They came close on two occasions in the second half. Jason Pennicard beat the Athletic goalkeeper to the ball to knock the ball goalwards but it caught up in the long grass, allowing a defender to get back and clear. Substitute Rhys Kearvill fashioned the other opportunity with a looping cross-shot which dropped just over the bar.
Hassocks Fatboys (4-4-2)
Scott McCarthy
Conceded nine but without his second half performance it would have been more.
Richard Coleman
Had the toughest task of any Fatboys player in dealing with a very tricky left winger.
Andy Rumble
Returned from a back injury when not fully fit and it showed. How he got away with a first half rugby tackle in the box is a complete mystery.
Jason Gander
Unable to do much against the pace of the opposition front two. Looked a very bewildered man by the end of the game.
Martyn Buxton
Lost a header for the opener which left him wishing he was taller than four feet. Never gave up as the hammering continued.
Stuart Ridley
Caused havoc down the right, being behind the limited chances his side enjoyed. Secured the man-of-the-match award by turning up to the Club with bread rolls.
Mark Potter
Solid first half followed by looking completely overwhelmed in the mad 15 minutes in which Athletic scored four times at the start of the second half.
Chris Stacey
Struggled in midfielder. Looked far more at home when dropped in at centre back midway through the second half, hacking two Athletic efforts off the line.
Rob Lloyd
Unable to do get into the game much in an attacking sense as he spent most of the morning trying to help out Buxton.
Jason Pennicard
Had the Fatboys’ best chance as his effort beat the goalkeeper but slowed down in the long grass to be cleared.
Dave Standing
An unusually quiet morning for the Fatboys’ top scorer thanks to a combination of his side being unable to get him in the game and a crippling hangover.
Subs
Daniel Lawrence
Replaced the injured Rumble with 25 minutes to play. Looked tidy in possession and had more success than Stacey and Potter in blocking off Athletic’s midfield runners.
Rhys Kearvill
Late introduction on the right wing. He came close to scoring with a whipped ball in which dropped just over the bar.
Man-of-the-Match
Scott McCarthy and Chris Stacey both impressed by preventing Athletic reaching double figure but Stuart Ridley‘s good game combined with his bread rolls gave him the popular vote.