Pink Flamingos Reserves 2-0 Hassocks Fatboys
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Sunday 24th February 2013
Clayton Recreation Ground
A hastily arranged friendly between Hassocks Fatboys and Pink Flamingos Reserves offered a glimpse to the future. The Fatboys named six debutants in their starting lineup with the result being a close fought game against unbeaten Division Four leaders Pink Flamingos Reserves.
Flamingos haven’t played a league game since December 16th and with another blank weekend scheduled, were in desperate need of match practice ahead of their title run in. The Fatboys put local rivalries aside to help out their rivals from the other end of the B2116 with the fixture only being confirmed late on Thursday.
As a result, several of the Fatboys’ regulars had already made plans for their weekend, including three quarters of the back four. Daniel Lawrence and Scott McCarthy had to spend both Friday and Saturday nights in the pubs of Burgess Hill finding players, but the effort was well worth it as the Fatboys turned up to Clayton Rec with a 14 man squad including six new faces.
Four of those starters. Former FC Deportivo defender Sam Wilson formed a new look centre back partnership with Ryman League Worthing’s goalkeeper, Jack Simpson. Luke Vick was in midfielder wearing a pair of lady’s tights and Ian Simpson led the line as a target man forward, his boulder head providing the sort of presence that the Fatboys have been missing all season in attack.
Flamingos certainly seemed surprised by the quality on offer. “That’s Jack Simpson, what the fuck is he doing here?” said one of their players as the sides arrived, although in fairness the Flamingos player probably wasn’t imagining that Simpson would be starting in defence. The result was a far tighter game than Flamingos would have been expecting, although they did do just about enough to run out 2-0 winners in what was a worthwhile morning for both clubs.
Ian Simpson had the best chance of the first half with a move that he started and should have finished. Simpson’s powerful flick on released strike partner Stuart Ridley down the right and when Ridley crossed, Simpson was then on hand to get the ball under control in the box. His first touch was superb but his shot was straight at the Flamingos goalkeeper.
Simpson also had an effort cleared off the line after demonstrating a scandalous turn of pace which he certainly never used to have. Chasing down a Flamingos back pass, Simpson put enough pressure on the goalkeeper to force an error as his attempted clearance ricocheted into Simpson’s arse. It dropped goalwards but a covering defender somehow got back to smash the ball away when it was just inches from dropping in.
Ridley had been begging to start a game up front since September and was determined to make the most of belatedly being given the opportunity. He fired over when well placed and then an attempted lob fell just the wrong side of the bar. Rob Lloyd was inches away when he cut inside after collecting Mark Potter’s slide rule pass. Ridley then was denied when a Flamingos defender used his face to block a powerful shot, resulting in a lot of blood pouring from his nose like a scene from Reservoir Dogs.
Flamingos hit the bar but other than that, they struggled to find a way through the back four of Jack Simpson, Wilson, Martyn Buxton and Andy Funnell. Flan at right back was particularly impressive on his first start since the opening game of the season. Jack Simpson certainly seemed impressed, saying afterwards, “He looks like he would kill you and he’s named after a cheese flan.”
On the rare occasions that Flamingos did manage to breach the Fatboys defence, Jack Simpson was on hand to provide some unorthodox defending. At one point, he stuck his fingers in an attackers mouth as they grappled for the ball with the striker saying he felt sick as a result of Simpson’s hand tasting of kebab. Simpson confirmed he had enjoyed a KB doner meat and chips seven hours earlier.
McCarthy made his first save of the game five minutes into the second half, superbly tipping over at full stretch a pile driver from the edge of the box. It looked like the Fatboys might hold on for a famous draw at that point, but their resistance was finally broken with 20 minutes left to play.
Possession was squandered in the middle of the park and a clever reverse ball into the box caught Simpson and Wilson flat footed for the only time in the game. That left a one-on-one which was eventually lifted over McCarthy in a bit of a scramble.
Having seen McCarthy concede, Mid Sussex goalkeeping icon Nick Jones finally agreed to leave the substitutes bench and join the action. That made Jones the sixth new face, having earlier introduced himself to manager Lawrence by saying, “I will warn you now, I don’t leave my line, my communication is poor and my distribution erratic.”
Striker Ben Harragan had become the fifth debutant when he was introduced at the break. Harragan was a lively presence in his 45 minutes, seeing a goal ruled out for offside late after latching onto a visionary through ball (scuffed shot) from Potter before firing into the top corner.
After falling one behind, the Fatboys had chances to equalise. Buxton took it upon himself to start rampaging forward from left back, leaving the Flamingos looking very confused. Out on the right wing, Richard Coleman was enjoying the opportunity to play further forward than his normal full back berth by delivering some dangerous crosses. One needed just a touch to put it past the Flamingos goalkeeper.
Flamingos thought they had a second but an offside flag went up. Jones then pulled off an extraordinary one handed save from a close range header but unfortunately, a Flamingos striker was on hand to tap home the rebound to double the visitors advantage and wrap up the game.
The Fatboys kept working hard and came close to a consolation. There were chances either side of Harragan’s ruled out effort, Ridley going close with a header before the Flamingos goalkeeper gathered a powerful Lawrence distance effort at the second attempt.
Jones was involved in the final action of the game, defying what he told Lawrence pre-game by attempting to catch a shot. It didn’t go particularly well as the debutant dropped it, before shouting “CATCH IT JONESY YOU C**T*”, much to the amusement of the sizable crowd on the sidelines.
All things considered, this was a good run out for both clubs. The Flamingos were given a real test ahead of their attempts to lift the Division Four title, while the Fatboys were offered a glimpse of the future if they can tie some of those who featured down to play for the club on a regular basis next season.
Hassocks Fatboys (4-4-2)
Scott McCarthy
Enjoyed an unexpectedly quiet first half. Made one superb save at full stretch early in the second before reappearing at centre back for the final 10 minutes where he attempted a ridiculous overhead kick.
Andy Funnell
His first start since the opening day at right back. Put in a number of key tackles and blocks with increasing levels of rage.
Jack Simpson
Rock solid at centre half with his organisational skills playing a big part in an excellent showing from the back four.
Sam Wilson
Turned up expecting maybe half an hour at full back. Instead, he rattled through 80 impressive minutes at centre half.
Martyn Buxton
Bombed on with purpose in the second half. Enjoyed the freedom he was given without the pressure of trying to win league points.
Richard Coleman
Has spent most of the season at full back, so this was an opportunity to show what he could do in a more advanced position on the right wing. Delivered some testing crosses.
Mark Potter
Two visionary passes – one of which may have been a scuffed shot – nearly led to goals. Enjoyed playing alongside Vick.
Luke Vick
The ball playing midfielder was at the heart of most good things for the visitors, even if his choice to wear a set of tights was questioned.
Rob Lloyd
Unlucky not to get on the score sheet when cutting in from the left. He saw more of the ball than usual out on the left wing.
Stuart Ridley
Has been begging to play up front all season and got his chance. Worked several good chances for both himself and strike partner Simpson.
Ian Simpson
He held the ball up perfectly in attack, bringing others into play and was unlucky not to score himself.
Subs
Ben Harragan
Debutant forward looked lively. He was unlucky to see an effort ruled out for offside.
Nick Jones
Unlucky with the goal he conceded which came after a stunning save. One other good block and he organised his defence well.
Daniel Lawrence
Player manager gave himself 15 minutes once he had shaken his hangover. Came close to opening the scoring just minutes after being introduced.
Man-of-the-Match
The entire back four performed well and in particular Andy Funnell who was making his first start since September. It goes though to Ian Simpson for an exemplary performance as a target man.