Hangover leave Fatboys feeling sick

History repeated itself at a freezing Stanmer Park as for the second time this season, Hassocks Fatboys surrendered a 2-0 lead to be eliminated 3-2 from a knockout competition by a side from a lower division.

Back in October it was Division One side Point to Point who rallied to knock the Fatboys out of the George Milyard Cup. This time, it was Division Two leaders Hangover 96 who ended any hopes of lifting the Roy Terrington Trophy.

It was a strange morning. A fussier official might have called the game off given how rock hard the surface was but both teams were keen to play and the referee sensibly agreed to it.

Actually, it was quite surprising that Hangover wanted the game to be on. Earlier in the week, they’d tweeted, “This weekend we take on hassocks fat boys in the cup , already got bare numbers let’s hope we can pull a squad together #badtiming”.

If a 14 man squad is “bare numbers”, then Christ knows what they’d have made of the 11 or 12 we’ve fielded over the last couple of seasons. Clearly a miracle had occurred in the land of Hangover to allow them to field a full side and three subs.

Or had it? One player who was extremely recognisable for them owing to the fact he looked like he was on crack and threated to kick Dave Linehan’s head in was a bloke called Ross Tasker. Strangely, he wasn’t listed on their team sheet as having played.

A conspiracy theorist might suggest that their “bare squad” was not so bare after all because they fielded some ringers. None of us are conspiracy theorists over at Hassocks Fatboys FC (except Simon O’Brien who thinks the Jews rule the world) and even if we were, ringers or not, it would be churlish to do anything about it as Hangover deserve their place in the quarter finals for being better than us on the day. In any case, a game against a full strength White Hart would be punishment enough (watch Hangover go and beat them in the next round now I’ve said that).

Hangover had more of the ball in the opening 15 minutes which suited the Fatboys as it meant the defence of Jon Ballantyne, Daniel Pidgeon, Oli Cleland and Chris Britton could simply stop most of their attacks while we looked to hit on the break.

That plan worked to perfection with two goals before the half hour mark. The first came with “a cultured long ball from left back” from Britton (his words, not mine) which sent Jordan Walsh away and he made no mistake in finishing the one-on-one. The second was the result of a quick passing move through Linehan, Sam Holman, Kieran Poulton and Jack Lewis with Lewis sending Peter Martin away who finished in similar fashion to Walsh.

There were further chances, the Hangover goalkeeper making a couple of good stops while Walsh contrived to miss from no more than seven yards with the goal gaping. And that was about as good as it got as with 35 minutes gone, the turning point arrived as both teams were reduced to 10 men.

There didn’t really seem to be any need for the handbags that occurred between Cleland and the rotund Hangover midfielder. Said rotund midfielder was first to see red when he raised his hands to Cleland and when he went back again after being sent off – while brandishing the fantastic insult of “you fucking maggot” towards Cleland – Cleland reacted to the new provocation by raising his hands in retaliation to earn himself an early bath. There were no complaints about either card from either side and the referee was excellent all morning.

This did however leave the Fatboys at a huge disadvantage. While Hangover had seen a man who weighed more than the QE2 sent off, we’d lost a Royal Marine and our fittest player. If it was bad news for us, it was even worse news for Cleland – he’d driven for over an hour to get back from Essex on the morning of the game to play, spending £40 in pertrol all for half an hour of football and a £35 fine. Sorry, Fox.

Walsh dropped into centre half for the remainder of the first half as Hangover coped far better with playing short handed, forcing Scott McCarthy into a smart save with his legs before they pulled one back right on the stroke of half time, a scrappy goal as the Fatboys failed to clear which the Hangover player took full advantage of with a smart finish.

Michael Russell replaced the hard working Poulton at the break with Britton moving to centre back and Walsh returning up front having looked like a trout out of the river in his 15 minutes at the back. The second half though was in truth a complete disaster and easily the worst we’ve played all season.

Hangover equalised when one of their players broke through three weak Fatboys challenges to fire into the bottom corner and they scored what proved to be the winner after some dreadful marking from a free kick left a bloke free at the back post with enough time to have read War and Peace before he headed back across goal for an easy tap in.

It could have been worse as well. Linehan produced one brilliant header off the line and McCarthy clawed an effort out of the top corner at full stretch as Hangover continued to press.

The Fatboys threw on Jamie Partridge and injured captain Andy Brown late on in an attempt to rescue something from the tie but their only real chance of note came when Walsh was again denied by the goalkeeper. Really, had we have equalised it would have been a travesty and the men in green were left in no uncertain terms afterwards that it hadn’t been good enough although McCarthy stopped short of using Jamie Stratton’s favoured phrase of “shower of shit” or “shit shower”.

It was a disappointing way to mark Brown’s 100th appearance for the club while Ballantyne also passed the 50 mark, son congratulations to those two and also well done to Mark Potter and Hayley Elphick who both completed the Brighton Half Marathon in PB’s.

While being knocked out of the cup was a blow, the result does however mean we can concentrate on the league, all one game of it. Against White Hart. Gulp.

Line up

Scott McCarthy
One of the few players to emerge with any credit thanks to two fine saves in particular
Jon Ballantyne
50th appearance for the club. Completely misjudged one ball in the air which was a joy to watch
Daniel Pidgeon
Put in some important blocks and challenges and dealt well with the upheaval caused by the red
Oli Cleland
Looked the best player on the pitch prior to his dismissal. £40 petrol, £35 fine – an expensive day
Chris Britton
Justified the decision to start him at left back with a “cultured long ball” assist. (Aimless hoof)
Jack Lewis
Delightful through ball for Martin’s goal. Did his fair share of defensive work in the 2nd half
Sam Holman
Got stuck in and linked up well with Poulton down the right
Dave Linehan
Produced a quite outrageous header off the line in the second half. Took a right kicking at times
Kieran Poulton
Ran himself into the ground again for the cause, playing a part in Martin’s goal
Peter Martin
Something about having the captains armband brings out the best in him as he scored again wearing it
Jordan Walsh
Fantastic goal, even better miss and a stint at centre back for the Fatboys talisman

Subs

Michael Russell
Spent more time as left winger than a left back. Happy not to have started due to the pitch being solid
Jamie Partridge
Tried to create when he was introduced in the second half and unlucky not to set up Walsh
Andy Brown
Not how he would’ve imagined his 100th appearance- thrown on late despite being injured to try and rescue something
Gary Whittington
(Unused)

Man of the Match

Nobody was any good in reality but the best of a bad bunch were Scott McCarthy and Kieran Poulton with the latter getting the nod as he continues his comeback from his second retirement at the tender age of 19.

Goals

Walsh 14 (assist Britton), Martin 23 (assist Lewis)

Sendings off

Cleland, raising hands to a fat man after he was a called a “maggot”