Crawley Cosmos 3-0 Hassocks Fatboys Reserves
Off the back of a comprehensive opening day defeat, Hassocks Fatboys Reserves headed to the promised land of Crawley in search of a response to their lacklustre performance against The View.
What awaited them was a moderately pleasant changing room and a good playing surface to counteract the US prison system-style housing of metal bars around the changing room which came with doors with what looked alarmingly like bullet holes in.
Kit at the ready, Jamie Stratton appeared to be in much better spirits as he filled in his team sheet for the side which he hoped would kick start the greens season. Said kit smelt fantastic following its wash this week, which led to an inevitable referral to the Nick Davie wash of the season before. The plot thickened much akin to his skull as he claimed his washing machine had “lots of confusing buttons”.
The greens listened intently to Stratton and Reece Wickwar in the team talk who both demanded more solidarity and respect for one-another on the pitch with a greater will to battle on the pitch. It seemed to have struck a chord as the warm up carried a sense of focus unlike recent attempts. In new found tradition, Stevie Stockwell took the podium for the warm up Q and A on firearms. Following a handful of questions, it was put to him to decide which film he most enjoyed which contained the word “gun” in it. He did not have to answer as Nick Davie quickly jumped in with “Die Hard”.
Stratton had opted to go with a Mike Bassett special of 4-4-2. Lining up with Nick Clayton in the sticks as cover for Nick Jones who was on a stag do, likely with jokes rather than footballs going over his head. In front of him stood a back four of Justin Parker, Sam Wilson, Ross Joannides and Davie, a midfield of Josh Evetts, Mark Potter, Kenny Tinnion and Sam McNamara complimented by a returning Simon O’Brien alongside Wickwar up front.
The Fatboys began the game with the instructions in mind and it was clear from the off that they had taken note. Wilson, Parker and Joannides notably being much more physical and showing more intent in the challenge to great success. Some good communication saw the Fatboys keep Cosmos at bay with relative comfort in the opening 15 minutes, with good work rate coming from those further up the field.
Despite being restricted to long shots, the home side soon had the ball in the net – a routine collection from Clayton in the goal slipped through his arms and rolled 3 feet over the line. Despite the ball practically touching the net itself, linesman and best selling author Jules Clay decided it hadn’t gone far enough over the line for him to judge it as a goal and the referee subsequently waved play on. This piece of blatant cheating, for some reason, frustrated the opposition.
Next it was the Fatboys turn to have a chance. The lively McNamara did well all good snakes do and slithered his way past a challenge having received the ball from a good interception from Potter before rolling it to Wickwar. Wickwar in turn played in Evetts who did fantastically well to force Cosmos into conceding a corner. It was delivered by Wickwar and McNamara rose like a striking viper to only be denied superbly by the opposing stopper.
With 20 minutes played, Cosmos began to see more of the ball higher up the field and Fatboys suffered their first concession of the game as Parker nicked the ball but also the striker in the box and the referee blew for a penalty which was duly tucked into The Nick’s bottom right corner. It has to be mentioned that prior to this, Clayton had made three saves which he had absolutely no right to and at that point he had kept the greens in the game. Ludicrous reflexes and reactions indeed while Jones wept quietly somewhere in Bristol.
Despite the concede, the Fatboys looked to reply in another foray forwards. Tinnion broke away from the midfield and O’Brien skipped forwards, rolled wide to Wickwar who delivered back to Tinnion in the box and he was unfortunate to see his half-volleyed effort bounce back off the bar and into the grateful hands of the keeper. Invigorated, Ross took inspiration from his man of the match prize from the previous week of some Play-dDh and surged forwards minutes later to join the attack. Wickwar rolled him in to the box but he was forced wide by the keeper, before having his effort blocked out for another corner which amounted to nothing.
Soon after, the Fatboys did indeed score for the first time this season as Davie rose like the number of tinder notifications on his phone on a Friday night to meet a Cosmos corner before using his unique quiffed hairstyle to power past his own keeper and double the lead for the Cosmos. The first entry into the Own Goal of the Season competition was alive and well and what was even better about this one was that the Fatboys had only conceded the corner in the first place through Davie’s own prattery.
The Fatboys headed into the break with a metaphorical mountain to climb as they were two goals down against a good side. At the break it was communicated that despite the deficit they were subject to, the boys had done what had been asked of them and now it was time to try to get O’Brien and Wickwar more involved in the game.
Despite the highlighting of the front two as being the way to get the greens back into the game, McNamara continued to look like the biggest danger, particularly in the air. Just as in the first half, the midfielder rose brilliantly again to meet a delivery from a corner and once again was denied at point blank by the keeper. It seemed to be that the Fatboys weren’t going to get the slice of luck they needed (aside from Clay’s first half choice).
Stratton looked to shake things up and chose to bring on three full backs with Clay, Sam Harding and Kevin Ticehurst all entering the fray. It wasn’t long before they were involved with Clay doing well to shut down a dangerous looking counter attack and Ticehurst offering a more methodical option than the raw pace of Evetts on the flank. Ticehurst did well to play some neat football but couldn’t find the killer ball when presented with the opportunity, instead offering to take up what has become known as the “Parker pass” and attempt to diagonal where possible.
Harding meanwhile made a good impact as he tackled hard and well where possible and looked to add to the attack with some forceful runs, one of which nearly got the men in green in for a rare chance on goal as he smashed his way through.
It wasn’t to be for the Fatboys as Cosmos smashed home a third, a half cleared delivery was piledriven home on the half volley in a goal reminiscent of Benjamin Pavard in the recent world cup as Clayton could do nothing but watch it go past him at a rate of knots.
The home side appeared to see the Fatboys frailties beginning to creep in and could have been four to the good had it not been for another great save from Nick Clayton following the striker falling over for absolutely no reason, before getting back up to attempt a shot.
The game came to an end with an identical scoreline to that of the previous fixture leaving Fatboys scratching their heads. Ultimately, it was decided that today’s efforts were much more positive and that sometimes you have to accept that your opposition are perhaps too good for you on the day. In a surprising turn of events, the home team wished well to us as we departed the field to douse the Crawley stereotypes.
Attention turns to next week as Stratton will be determined to see his side pick up their first points of the season to avoid another cataclysmic meltdown like last weeks’. A special mention also goes to Mark Potter for a traditional fall over when tracking back in the first half. A shame that it went unnoticed.
FATBOYS 4-4-2
Nick Clayton
Once again stepped in to the side with Nick Jones absent and made a series of frankly absurd saves. Plaudits fully deserved and there probably won’t be an easy man-of-the-match winner this season.
Nick Davie
After over 50 games for the Fatboys, Davie finally joins the Own Goal club. Aside from that, an otherwise hard working performance.
Sam Wilson
A much more authoritative showing with both his challenges on the ground and in the air.
Ross Joannides
Worked relentlessly for the whole 90 minutes in what wasn’t an easy defensive performance to be involved in. He nearly got himself on the score sheet as well.
Justin Parker
Difficult task up against Cosmos’ most dangerous player but he combined that with attempts to play out from the back and get his team moving.
Josh Evetts
A few forays forward in another encouraging performance since his return to the side. He’ll trouble lesser teams if he continues to play like this.
Mark Potter
Stuck to his philosophy of passing the ball around wherever possible. Both him and Tinnion had a thankless task of chasing after some very good opposing numbers.
Kenny Tinnion
Was very unfortunate to hit the bar in the first half but put himself around the place in the middle, winning many a header.
Sam McNamara
A real threat from set pieces, on another day against a lesser goalkeeper he could easily have walked away with a brace.
Reece Wickwar
Dipped in and out of the game but still provided some chances for his team mates, particularly from set pieces. Made some good runs in behind.
Simon O’Brien
Didn’t get the service some of his runs deserved but never stopped trying. Lost a few more precious hairs as a result.
SUBS
Jules Clay
Some extremely dubious decisions while running the line but he looked good when he came on, especially considering the fact he was old enough to be the grandfather of the Cosmos winger he ended up marking.
Sam Harding
Ended up popping up in some extremely odd positions given he was meant to be playing at right back. This proved to be surprisingly effective.
Kevin Ticehurst
Listened well and did what was asked of him in defending and trying to get others in the game. Made a good run late on that could have amounted to more.
MAN OF THE MATCH
Only one man can be in the running for this weeks prize and that was Nick Clayton for a string of stunning saves that helped restrict Cosmos to just the three goals.