Castle Sports 3-5 Hassocks Fatboys
They might say an Englishman’s home is his castle, but Hassocks Fatboys paid no attention to that as they went to the home of Divison One leaders Castle Sports and left with all three points.
This was a seventh league win in a row for the Fatboys which equalled the club’s best ever run while Jordan Walsh’s latest scoring spree yielded a hat-trick, taking him to 19 and within nine goals of Stuart Brown’s high of 28 in a single campaign. Records could tumble like the moths out of Dave Keane’s wallet by the end of the season.
Given the number of late drop outs the Fatboys have had this season including Jake Philpott discovering he was moving house and Ryan John being stuck on a bus in Camden, the strange scenario of a drop-in confronted the management team on this occasion.
Being the sensible man that he is, Ronnie Devonish had said he wouldn’t be able to make the game due to his work Christmas Party on the Saturday night. As it was, captain Andy Brown clocked him in the Hassocks Hotel approaching midnight and with Devonish in a surprisingly fresh state, he ruled himself in for selection at 1am.
Devonish’s appearance alongside 18-year-old debutant Dan Turner and Jon Ballantyne, who looks about eight, meant that the Fatboys were fielding their youngest back four in history. Not even the presence of 46-year-old John Humphrey could bring the average up into the 30s.
This youthful exuberance at the back meant that for all their talents in attack, Castle were rarely able to find a way through to the goal of Scott McCarthy. In fact some would argue that it was McCarthy who was their most dangerous player, especially when a first touch from a Dave Linehan back pass that was heavier than the average woman on the Block and Gasket dance floor led to a desperate sliding tackle from the Fatboys number one to recover the situation and prevent catastrophe. McCarthy would eventually get his assist for Castle, but more on that later.
It was the Fatboys who took the lead with just six minutes played and it was no surprise to see Walsh as the man scoring given his recent hot streak. It was a brilliant header too, the striker rising to meet a pinpoint delivery from Keane who returned to the side having missed the previous weeks hammering of Tally Ho with an injured wing.
Castle’s response was instant as they applied plenty of pressure on the Fatboys back line with Turner impressing with a number of key blocks. 46-year-old Humphrey meanwhile was busy adding a new phrase to his ever growing list of bollocks with “Win the second ball after John”, which would have kind of made sense had John not been putting the first ball out of play every time he got it.
20 minutes had elapsed when Castle levelled things up, a decent passing move down the right being finished with a powerful drive into the top corner by the home striker.
There was little else to report in the first half until Walsh restored the Fatboys lead five minutes before break. With Keane swinging in some masterful deliveries, you’d have thought Castle might have tightened up their marking from set pieces but no, they left Walsh completely free again for a carbon copy of the opener.
The Fatboys were slow out the blocks at the start of the second half and were duly punished when Castle equalised despite being down to 10 men at the time. When the FA decided to bring in sin bins, their rationale was that it would decrease the amount of dissent shown to referees as sides wouldn’t want to face the disadvantage of playing for 10 minutes with less players.
Games involving the Fatboys so far this season are completely disproving that theory. The sin bin has been called into action in three matches so far and in two of them, the team playing short handed has scored.
This one wasn’t a great goal to concede, a runner from midfield being left completely unchecked to slot home at the back post and it didn’t seem to please Keane either who bellowed “THEY’VE ONLY GOT 10 PLAYERS.” Clearly, he can count when it doesn’t involve buying a round.
A brilliant piece of opportunism saw the Fatboys take the lead for the third time in the game as Linehan picked the ball up in midfield, spotted the goalkeeper off his line and hit looping effort from 35 yards. Linehan now has as many goals in his past two games than in his previous four seasons as a Fatboys player, a glowing endorsement for what happens when a player buys his own boots and doesn’t have to borrow a pair from somebody else every other week.
Jack Lewis had managed to get through an hour without making a foul by this point which seemed like as good a reason as any to replace him with first team debutant Ando Knott and Knott was soon into the thick of things, winning tackles and attempting to set Walsh clear for his hat-trick.
Walsh did eventually get his third and again it was Keane with the assist at which point it all became too much for one Castle player who was red carded.
Incredibly, as the dismissed player made his way off one side of the pitch, Castle managed to sneak another player on from the other. It was only when the eagle eyed Nick Davie pointed this out to the referee five minutes that the man in the middle realised what was going on.
While the Fatboys very much enjoyed this piece of brinkmanship from their opponents, the same could not be said for Castle when confronted by a similar actions that run contrary to the idea of fair play.
Jake Philpott was of course the culprit here, taking a whack on the ankle from a late challenge which led to him screaming in pain and rolling around on the floor. The performance this time was at least a little more convincing than when Philpott was “head butted” a few weeks ago and it wouldn’t be a surprise to see his fledgling acting career step up a notch soon, say with a role as shepherd number three in St Joseph’s upcoming Christmas nativity.
While Philpott may have been putting on a good act at being injured, the Fatboys suffered a genuine blow when Turner actually did hobble off, bringing to a premature end an outstanding debut. His place was taken by Ananda Hoque who joined the action in attack with Walsh dropping back into defence.
This pitted the two likely lads head to head as former Fatboy Kieran Poulton had also come on for Castle. Hoque and Poulton had been joined at the hip during last season but now found themselves in direct competition and it was first blood to Hoque in their little individual battle when he put in a crunching tackle to win back possession and claim an assist as Brown made it 5-2 with a distance effort.
It was Poulton who came out on top though thanks largely to McCarthy who dropped a routine catch straight at the young strikers feet and he gleefully accepted the gift to fire home, even saying “Thanks Scott”, which just goes to prove that manners don’t cost anything.
Thankfully, the first #McCarthyMoment for about a year didn’t prove costly as the Green Army saw out the remaining five minutes without any further drama. A hard fought win, the Fatboys have now leapfrogged Castle and sit in second spot, a point behind new leaders Physics Athletico but with two games in hand. Carry on like this and they’ll be in danger of making an unwanted return to the Premier Division.
FATBOYS 4-3-3
Scott McCarthy
Played like a man who had been drinking Red Stripe in the Haunt at 4am in the morning. One decent one-one-one save actually but that was far as it went in terms of tests, which was just as well.
Jon Ballantyne
Went on a couple of probing runs forward and looked very comfortable against a decent wide man. Made way for Davie in the closing stages.
John Humphrey
Brilliant to see him add another phrase to his stock with “Win the second ball after John”. Said the opposition thought he was in his 20’s rather than being 46-years-old.
Dan Turner
A fantastic debut from the young centre back. Strong in the tackle, read the game well and has a weapon of a long throw. He was like a younger, slimmer, fitter version of Gary Whittington.
Ronnie Devonish
Given that he wasn’t due to be playing until Brown stumbled across him in the Hassocks Hotel the night before, this was another excellent showing from the left back who didn’t put a foot wrong.
Andy Brown
After failing to register a goal or an assist in the win over Tally Ho the previous week, eating a shed load of pie at the Club’s Pie Night clearly kept him relatively sober as he scored the wonderful fifth to wrap up the win.
Jake Philpott
Set up Linehan for the Fatboys’ third goal but his biggest contribution once again came with a performance that had all the hallmarks of a young Sir Laurence Olivier.
Jack Lewis
Constantly won possession back for the Fatboys throughout his hour on the pitch before a nasty whack to the ribs forced him off midway through the second half.
Dave Keane
Returned from injury by setting up all three of Walsh’s goals. His set pieces in particular caused absolute havoc, especially in the first half.
Jordan Walsh
Running out of superlatives for him now. 19 goals so far this season. It’s just as well we don’t give away the match ball every time he scores a hat-trick, otherwise we’d have run out with four trebles to his name.
Dave Linehan
His recent hot streak continued with a second goal in as many games, another distance strike that fooled the goalkeeper. He’s currently playing the best football of his Fatboys career.
Subs
Ando Knott
An encouraging first team debut from the reserves’ top scorer. He displayed some nice touches on the left of the front three and did more tracking back in 30 minutes than normal wide men Keane and Stuart Brown have all season.
Ananda Hoque
Introduced on the right of the front three, he showed his worth as an attacking threat by setting up Brown for the fifth, which he strangely celebrated by hugging Poulton despite the fact Kieran now plays for the other team.
Nick Davie
Eagle eyed Davie informed the referee that Castle had snuck an 11th man onto the pitch when their player had been sent off. He got the final 10 minutes in place of Ballantyne and did well at right back.
GOALS
06′ Walsh, assist Keane
42′ Walsh, assist Keane
58′ Linehan, assist Philpott
67′ Walsh, assist Keane
72′ Brown, assist Hoque
BOOKINGS
Walsh picked up a yellow although I’ve no idea what it was for as I only found out about it once the fine came through.
MAN OF THE MATCH
Dave Linehan was outstanding again, Jordan Walsh grabbed a hat-trick and Dave Keane set three up but it has to go to Dan Turner, partly because he was superb in his hour on the pitch and partly because if it goes to him, he might play every week.