Hassocks Fatboys 1-0 Physics Athletico

 

Let’s go back 10 weeks to Sunday 2nd December 2018. It’s 10.20am at Furnace Green Recreation Ground and kick off between Crawley Cosmos and Hassocks Fatboys in the third round of the Sussex Sunday Challenge Trophy is just 10 minutes away.

Sitting around in a changing room block that resembles a prison cell, the Fatboys have a major problem – they’ve only got nine men. Two of those aren’t fit either; John Humphrey’s 46-year-old body is feeling the onset of winter as all elderly folk do and Jon Ballantyne is still being sick from his Friday night out. Both sets of players had been greeted on arrival at the venue by the sight of Ballantyne leaning against a wall, liquid pouring out of his mouth non stop for a good 30 seconds.

You’d have got very long odds at that point that it would be the Fatboys who would be advancing all the way to the final of the County Trophy. But somehow, that is exactly what has happened. In Crawley that day, Dave Keane and Jake Philpott turned up five minutes before kick off as the men in green ground out a 3-2 win with a bare 11.

Next up was Castle Sports in round three – a side who the Fatboys had lost 8-1 just two weeks previously. Scott McCarthy’s men obliterated that painful memory by initiating a remarkable eight-goal swing to win 1-0. That set up this semi final tie with Division One leaders Physics Athletico, a side that have already beaten the Fatboys twice in the league this season.

But as you might have already noticed, this competition seems to bring out the best in the Fatboys. And just like in the Castle game, they delivered yet another defensive masterclass to secure yet another 1-0 win and book a date at Culver Road against Worthing & Horsham League side Unicorn United for the chance to be crowned champions of Sussex.

Given the importance of this one, it was little surprise to see a new-found degree of seriousness sweeping the home camp. Andy Brown arrived at Clayton Rec at 6am on Sunday morning to lay the kit out, Grays Athletic’s former Conference National goalkeeper Stuart Robinson was parachuted in to give Scott McCarthy a thorough warm up and even Ryan John had curbed his Saturday drinking, a particularly welcome development given his performance in last week’s 6-3 win over Pevensey & Westam was said to have made even Coco the Clown blush.

Precious little happened in the opening 20 minutes with the only real highlights being Dan Turner producing a cheeky nutmeg on the Physics striker which drew cheers from both sets of players and supporters, McCarthy throwing in a ridiculous step over as he dealt with a pass back and Rob Lloyd smashing a ball into an opponents face. Physics thought they had broken through but Lloyd produced a vital last ditch tackle, reminding Theresa May of the saving qualities he could yet bring to Brexit negotiations.

At the other end, Andy was denied by an equally good tackle with the resulting corner coming to nothing. Ronnie Devonish then sent Keane away down the right and he did everything right, beating his man and delivering a low cross straight to the feet of Stuart Brown.

All Stuart had to do was connect with the ball with any part of his anatomy to divert it in from four yards, but somehow he managed to completely miss it. It was an astonishing miss. Jack Lewis for one couldn’t believe what he had seen and had to be substituted with shock shortly after with Dave Linehan receiving an early summons from the bench to take his place.

The game was beginning to open up now and, in a sign of what was to come, Turner came close with a distance drive which was well saved by the Physics goalkeeper. There was nothing that the visiting custodian could do though when Stuart was brought down 35 yards out from goal and Turner decided he fancied giving the resulting free kick a welly. Up strode the teenage centre back, leathering the ball over the wall and with far too much power for the Physics number one to keep out despite the fact he got a good hand to it.

In a remarkable piece of timing, the bells of the neighbouring St John the Baptist’s Church began ringing at the exact same time that Turner scored. There were further celebrations to come when Stuart took a nasty whack on the thigh which ended his involvement. The Fatboys wanted to bring Joe Brockes on but the Goblin simply sat on the bench, shaking his head and going “me groin ain’t feeling right” after a tough shift in Gringotts Bank the previous day. Instead, 46-year-old Humphrey took Stuart’s place with Linehan moving out to the right and Keane going through the middle.

The Fatboys were buoyed at the break by the fact that 46-year-old Humphrey had gone back to his childhood in the 1950s when footballers used to eat fruit at half time and actually brought two bags worth of oranges for the team. The message while the men in green sucked up some much needed vitamin C was to keep working hard, be organised and grind out a result – a task that looked far from straightforward following the injuries of Lewis, Stuart and the absence of top scorer Jordan Walsh, who has just had a new knee fitted.

Physics came flying out the traps at the start of the second half and only some brilliant defending from Chris Britton and Ryan John prevented them making inroads into the Fatboys box. Devonish and 46-year-old Humphrey were forced deeper and deeper in their shielding roles as the Fatboys dug in to weather the storm.

Once they’d ridden out the opening 10 minutes, they were able to get onto the front foot and actually came close to doubling their advantage. The only reason they didn’t is because 46-year-old Humphrey had decided that he wanted to go through a short spell in which he swapped teams, blocking goal bound efforts from Andy and Jamie Wilkes as Turner’s long throws and Keane’s corners caused carnage.

Linehan saw an effort well saved and Britton headed just over from a corner before Physics retook control of the tie, which led to a very nervy final quarter of an hour. You can tell the Fatboys are under the cosh when even Keane starts tracking back and that’s what happened here as it was every hand to the pump to try and hang onto the most slender of leads.

Thankfully, the Fatboys were excellent defensively whilst they also received more than a little luck during one mass goalmouth scramble with 10 minutes remaining. Physics swung over a corner which was met with a bullet header which McCarthy somehow tipped onto the bar at full stretch. The visitors had another three or four bites of the cherry from the loose ball with Wilkes, Andy and John all making blocks before 46-year-old Humphrey virtually caught the ball and threw it out for a corner.

The officials – all three of them, what with this being a semi final – ruled that it hadn’t been intentional due to the speed at which the ball had struck 46-year-old Humphrey. They also probably concluded that there is no way a bloke who was born when Richard Nixon was in the White House would have quick enough reactions for it to be deliberate.

That proved to be Physics last real chance of the game and there were wild scenes of jubilation at the final whistle with even Stuart cracking a smile. Culver Road awaits and there’s now one more chapter to write in a story that so far reads winning with a bare 11; beating the second best team in Division One; beating the best team in Division One.

Will it end with the Fatboys as champions of Sussex? We’ll find out on April 7th.
 

FATBOYS 4-3-3

Scott McCarthy
Always quick off his line to thwart any danger. Didn’t have much else to do bar the excellent tip onto the bar at full stretch in the second half.
Rob Lloyd
A typically solid performance from everybody’s favourite civil servant. The last ditch tackle in the first half in particular was crucial.
Ryan John
His inconsistency will never fail to baffle people. After last week’s showing that wouldn’t have looked out of place on Comedy Central, he pushed Turner close for man of the match.
Chris Britton
Had to reign in the attacking intent from the previous week. Just like Lloyd on the other side, he made a vital last man challenge when covering across to prevent what could have been a dangerous chance.
Ronnie Devonish
Shielded the defence superbly. Always wanted the ball and tried to get the Fatboys on the front foot throughout the morning.
Jack Lewis
Only lasted around 30 minutes before his back trouble flared up again. Got through a lot of hard work and didn’t commit one foul – a far cry from the 18 fouls from 18 tackles in last week’s game.
Andy Brown
Is absolutely thriving with the freedom afforded by having two holding players. A constant menace to Physics, creating chances and popping up with a few opportunities of his own.
Dave Keane
Started on the right where he was lively before moving into the central role once Stuart went off. You can’t underestimate how important his work in defending from the front was to the cause.
Stuart Brown
Played through the middle in place of the injured Walsh. Missed a glorious chance when teed up by Keane before succumbing to a nasty blow to the leg.
Jame Wilkes
The young wingers final game before he goes off travelling. Popped up on the left, the right and through the middle and made crucial interventions at both ends. He’ll be missed while he’s annoying Eastern Europeans over the coming months.
 

SUBS

Dave Linehan
Forced into midfield action early on because of Lewis’ injury. He didn’t last long there before moving up front where he had several chances mixed in with some of his customary step overs which haven’t been seen for a couple of weeks.
John Humphrey
A typical performance from the veteran. Won everything in the air, got away with a handball in the box and blocked two goal bound efforts from his own team. The half time oranges were fantastic.
Joe Brockes
Unused
Rhyan Thwaites
Unused
Ananda Hoque
Unused
 

GOALS

33′ Turner, assist S Brown
 

MAN OF THE MATCH

You could make cases for all 13 of the players used but given the vital role the defence played in the victory, it has to be Dan Turner who combined his work at one end with the only goal at the other.