Sussex Albion 1-2 Hassocks Fatboys
Everybody’s looking for that something (Westlife 1999) and in the case of the reserve section of Hassocks Fatboys, that is something to play for.
Given that St Marys Athletic quitting has wiped out one third of the Fatboys wins so far this season and reduced them to seven points, the task of staying in Division Three could well be deemed to be at the end of the road (Boys II Men, 1991).
Despite the league being a proverbial mountain to climb, this weekend was a step away from the usual as the reserves looked to continue their journey in the Sussex Sunday League Junior Invitational Cup with a Quarter Final clash against Division Four side Sussex Albion.
In the previous round, the men in green had overcome their neck and neck partners Kingston Broadway on penalties – in case you hadn’t heard, Jules Clay had got the final penalty in that tie, leaving Broadway saying Bye Bye Bye (NSYNC, 2000) to their cup hopes.
Manager Reece Wickwar had been given the enviable task of culling the 21 – TWENTY ONE – men available to a refined 16, a task that wasn’t helped by the fact that he couldn’t palm anybody off onto the first team as they had a cup semi of their own in which they could only name players who had played at least four times for the front side so far this season.
Difficult decisions made, it was squad of familiar faces who returned to the Fatboys old stomping ground of Waterhall. An early observation was that the pitch looked in good shape, but Wickwar felt that it looked more suited to grazing livestock than playing association football on. With this in mind, the boss named his side and laid out the objectives for the game. He said simply, I want it that way (Backstreet Boys, 1999).
The line up reverted to 4-3-3 for the first time in a while, with skipper Nick Jones’ sniffle and willingness to step aside for others to play their part seeing him on the sidelines running the Twitter and Justin Parker donning the gloves. Despite this, Jones kept his captain’s armband on throughout and was even seen wearing it whilst sipping an orange juice and lemonade in the Club afterwards.
In front of Parker sat a back four made up of reserve team stalwarts – Stuart Young, Sam Wilson, Ali Jenkins and Nick Davie, who had been returned to the setup after a weekend of annoying women in Munich and a couple of weeks with the first team. A midfield three of Reece Wickwar, Evil Luke Vick and Kenny Tinnion complimented them and the attack was comprised of Simon O’Brien, Ando Knott and Des.
Remarkably for a Sunday League tie, the home side had a considerable support on the sidelines which emanated just how crucial a game this was to be for both sides’ seasons. The Fatboys started brightly and managed to keep the ball in key areas, the front three and midfield working well together. However the first major chance of the game would fall to Albion when a mix up between Parker, Jenkins and Wilson saw the opposition number nine have acres to play in front of him before he fluffed his lines and spared the blushes of the Fatboys back four.
The men in green responded well to this near-disaster, some resolute defending confirming that comedy moment would be a rare blip in and otherwise well martialed performance from the rearguard. The midfield showed tireless competition and work rate throughout the half and did well to create links between the back line and the front three, providing service for O’Brien and Knott to use their pace (OK, just Ando’s pace) to effect and earning set pieces in dangerous areas.
The deadlock would be broken when the Fatboys earned a free kick on the edge of the box early on after the goalkeeper strangely decided to carry the ball out of the box in his hands before kicking it. Being so close to goal, Evil Luke and Jenkins took the decision for the former to roll the ball back to the latter who would smash it goalwards.
This didn’t really work in the intended way but it did however manager to cause pandemonium in the six yard box, at which point the Albion defender panicked and smashed the ball into his team-mate’s face from point blank range. This caused it to pinball onto the head of Tinnion and into the corner of the net for one of the most ridiculous goals you’ll see, even in Sunday League. Evil Luke was clearly impressed, describing it as one of the most stupid things he’d ever seen in his normal cheery manner. Nonetheless, it was a great start for Wickwar’s side and the travelling support on the sidelines must have been wondering at this point, could it be magic? (Take That, 1992).
Albion started to grow into the game after the opening goal, especially once they realised that the Fatboys Achilles heel is the ball over the top. As a result, they constantly went long which threatened to pay dividends a number of times and it was the Fatboys’ failure to address this issue sufficiently which cost them the lead.
A lofted ball from deep over the back four saw a fruitless chase occur, with Young opting to leave everything to chance as he ruthlessly scythed down the onrushing striker from behind in the box. Much debate ensued about ‘double jeopardy’ and Young escaped with a yellow card. It was suggested that Young’s out-of-character viciousness was due to the fact that he was enraged about the treatment of the veteran Jules Clay on the sidelines, who had shown his full blooded side shortly before as a result of comments directed his way. After what seemed an eternity, the penalty was dispatched high down the middle of the goal and the scores were tied.
The teams came off at half time with the scores level and the Fatboys seemed to agree that the game would be there for the taking in the second half; that hard work, composure and patience (Take That, 2006) could deliver a favourable result to see them progress to the semi finals of the competition which they had finished as bridesmaids in last season. A solid 45 minutes and one goal would be enough to make this the greatest day (Take That, 2008) of their season so far.
Albion began the second half the better as again they looked for the ball over the top but lessons had been learned and Wilson, Jenkins, Davie and Young seemed to instill a confidence in their team mates with some superb communication and challenges with Jenkins in particular winning much of the aerial ball to keep attacks at bay.
With the defence looking firm, it was up to the midfield and the front three to set about getting that crucial goal. Wickwar, Tinnion and Evil Luke seemed to be enjoying more of the ball and were putting passes together to involve Knott, O’Brien and Balderdash in the game. It continued to seem however, that the little things (One Direction, 2012) would make the biggest difference.
For all the Fatboys troubles facing the aerial ball, Albion themselves weren’t exactly confident when dealing with things in the air. This was especially true when it came to long throws and the second half became, in patches, a bombardment of their box through these and corners. Knott went extremely close from a delightful Evil Luke corner, his flicked header going just wide midway through the second half.
It was at this point, and the third time of saying “I’ll let you know in five minutes if I’ll come off”, that Nick Davie was finally switched out for the Casanova Sam Harding who has been away for the greens in recent weeks. Harding wasted no time in seamlessly slotting in for Davie, with a good challenge to settle himself into the game.
The glaringly obvious change to make given Albion’s struggles from set pieces was to throw on Chris Clayton, making another comeback from the 67th retirement of his career. Clayton was soon summoned from the bench, replacing youth prospect Tinnion with Balderdash dropping into the midfield three.
It was immediately clear that the opposition’s focus would be entirely consumed by El Bod and they would mark him No Matter What (Boyzone, 1998). They’d also worked out by this point that Cheeky Ando is quite good and as a result, he was obliterated with a stinging late challenge which brought a Fatboys counter attack to a grinding halt and led to an almighty row between El Bod and Albion’s own giant,, which looked somewhat like a cheap fracas between two men pretending to be dinosaurs.
Albion’s attack was now beginning to peter out and become jaded and the Fatboys looked to capitalise on this, earning yet another corner. Evil Luke teed up yet another delightful ball and Bod flashed another header just wide, not too dissimilar to Knott minutes before. The Fatboys wouldn’t be denied for long.
Clayton absorbed the focus of the defence as Wickwar sent in another missile of a throw in, to which Knott leaped like a Scottish salmon and deftly flicked the ball into the corner with his wonderfully formed head, restoring the Fatboys lead.
Chances would become few and far between after that with O’Brien running out of puff and the home side also struggling to make much of the ball. Mike Meckiff came on for O’Brien to inject some much needed work rate into the front line.
With Albion running out of puff, it looked like the game would fizzle out but the hosts did force one glorious opportunity to send the tie to penalties with the very last play of the game. Hearts were firmly in mouths when
the ball fell to the opposing number six, who incredibly attempted to rabona the ball from six yards rather than simply square it for a tap in. As a result, the Fatboys had an extremely fortunate goal kick with Wickwar so relieved that he suffered a double leg cramp.
The referee explained that he was going to blow the whistle the moment the goal kick was taken but the manager decided that a sub was necessary anyway and Kevin Ticehurst came on, demanding that people be explicitly clear on where he should play despite knowing full well the ball would be in play for less than two seconds.
Once Ticehurst was happy with the clear instructions of where he needed to be, Parker took the kick and the official promptly blew for full time. The home support were clearly disgruntled with the efforts of their players but it mattered not to the Fatboys, who marched into the semi finals of the Junior Invitational cup and deservedly so. Their cup dreams would live on and stay another day (East 17, 1994), if not longer.
FATBOYS 4-3-3
Did his best Jones impression in the opening five minutes with a a miscommunication but became a level headed presence after that, dealing with everything that came his way.
Nick Davie
Another use of the word “man” unnecessarily in a sentence was perhaps his only fault of the day. Moved the ball forward and won headers. A solid performance on his return to the second string.
Sam Wilson
Always works well when played alongside Jenkins at the back. You know what you’re going to get with him and generally that’s a well rounded performance.
Ali Jenkins
Continued his role as Mr Consistent since rejoining the club earlier in the season, organising the back line well and keeping things tight once again. His recent form has been duly acknowledged with the renaming of the man of the match award in his honour.
Stuart Young
A vintage Young performance, marshalling his winger effectively and playing the ball into some dangerous areas. Made a frankly ridiculous challenge to give away the penalty.
Kenny Tinnion
His work rate has improved ten-fold in recent times, especially since his return to midfield. He used the ball well and commanded things aerial.
Luke Vick
The latest Fatboys Reserves poster boy on the bedroom wall of Nick Jones and understandably so with another fine, calm and collected performance. Man of the match nominee for some sumptuous deliveries.
Reece Wickwar
Moved himself back into midfield after his record became zero goals in five games up front thanks to his only strike being expunged from the records as it came against St Mary’s. Relished the new role and was cruelly compared to Romelu Lukaku by his tragic GPS tracker.
Simon O’Brien
Did well to chase the ball and had some chances to cause some real damage to the opposing side. Good to have him back in the fold. No stitching on his boots however.
Ando Knott
The odds on favourite to finish the season as reserve’s top goalscorer (unless the first team nick him again) notched yet another goal with his head. Took a while to get going but added some much needed direction to the attack.
Jon Kelly
Looked much more effective in an advanced role. Caused problems and got others involved in the play.
SUBS
Sam Harding
Introduced in a straight swap for Davie. Kept things simple and looked good for it.
Chris Clayton
A defenders worst nightmare seeing a man coming on who is so big he has to wear boxing shorts. He caused all sorts of problems and brought others into the game on his return – which he was unlucky not to mark with a goal.
Mike Meckiff
His energy was invaluable in his short time he was on the pitch. Incredibly reliable and gave the Fatboys a boost when it was needed.
Kevin Ticehurst
A super two seconds in which he managed his best pass completion rate of the season.
Julian Clay
Unused. Betrayed his position as a best selling author by getting in a fight which is not something you would see JK Rowling do. Has clearly been watching a lot of TV at the weekend with his flagging.
GOALS
Tinnion, assist some truly awful defending
Knott, assist Wickwar
BOOKINGS
Young, an out of character scything down of a man in the box for which he was lucky to stay on really. Disgraaaaaaaaace.
ALI JENKINS AWARD FOR MAN OF THE MATCH
Ali Jenkins, of course.