Preston Dynamos 2-3 Hassocks Fatboys

Sussex Sunday League Premier Division
Sunday 13th October 2019
 

A horrific car crash involving Hassocks Fatboys manager Scott McCarthy marred what was an otherwise brilliant display away to Preston Dynamos.

The Sussex Sunday Football League goalkeeping icon wrote off his car on the A23 on his way to the game and was unable to attend the match, somehow walking away with only minor injuries. The complexities of having no goalkeeper and no gloves was eased by the opposition agreeing to a delayed kick off so we could source some gloves and a goalkeeper in form of the up-and-coming Stuart Robinson.

Robinson was unable to make the 10:45am kick off and so we started with centre half Dan Turner between the sticks, wearing gloves fetched from Clayton by Hayley that were kindly donated by Reserve Team keeper Nick-Lob Jones. All of this made for very hectic pre-match preparation and so Rob Lloyd’s 100th game for the club went under the radar somewhat. He was however given the armband to mark the occasion and in true Bert style had a splendid 75 minutes at left back before receiving a standing ovation as he was subbed from the capacity crowd at…some park across the road from Rottingdean Village FC.

Throughout the match the home side certainly looked a lot more comfortable in possession given the wet conditions, however the Fatboys were exceptionally dangerous on the counter and created far more opportunities. The opener after a quarter of an hour was a classic example of our breakaway capabilities as a ball down the right channel from Andy Brown to Jordan Walsh caught the hosts off guard. Walsh still had a lot to do and out-paced the first defender, out-muscled the second one and then smashed the ball across the keeper into the top left. A brilliant solo effort from the Better Walsh and a superb start given the circumstances.

1-0 was soon 2-0 and it was Karel Kutaa with the goal. Dave Keane rolled back the years on a Sunday morning and had the beating of the left-back every time. In the 24th minute he got to the byline and cut back to Brown whose outstretched left swinger directed the ball to Kutaa to smash home from six yards.

Robinson arrived to the game around the 30 minute mark with Jon Ballantyne making way and Turner moving into his natural habitat of centre-half, taking it very well considering he was promised a centre midfield berth on Saturday evening. That said, he was called a ‘posh boy’ by a very mean Dynamos forward. This description of Turner couldn’t be any further from the truth, our Daniel is a chain smoking, vodka obsessed teenage tearaway and he was most upset at this cruel untruth. The same player also called Andy Brown ‘big head’ so at least he got something right.

Walsh continued to be a handful for the remainder of the half, but couldn’t add to his wonder strike as he wasted several further chances. And so it was Kutaa who stepped up to the plate and showed his teammate how to do it with his second and the Fatboys third of the match. Some great midfield play from Steve Spies and Brown saw the ball fed into the feet of Keane who produced a Giggs-esque run towards the Dynamos goal. Our feathered winger Duck picked out a perfectly weighted pass into Kutaa and the man in form finished with aplomb past the on-rushing home goalkeeper. Half time and it was 3-0 Fatboys.

At the interval the main message was to not let the three goal lead slip from our clutches, yet low and behold minutes into the second period Ryan John conceded a penalty for a supposed handball. The referee was the only man present at the park opposite Rottingdean Village FC that morning who saw this handball as both sets of players looked at each other in bewilderment. What had in fact happened was the ball whacked John in the testicles, with him rolling around in the penalty area wailing whilst clutching his manhood being the giveaway. Nevertheless, the ref stuck to his guns, the penalty stood and the Dynamos player dispatched the spot-kick.

The goal gave the hosts some impetus as they upped their game and asked the Fatboys back line a few questions. Meanwhile, the angry John was clearly riled by the penalty and went on a one-man mission to hurt the poor Dynamos players; it didn’t matter who they were, or where they were playing as John he had the red mist and smelt blood. He was duly and deservedly carded after a number of cynical fouls. Brown was also in the book soon after when he smashed the ball into the trees behind the goal a full 10 seconds after the whistle had blown for a free kick.

Dynamos did eventually get their second of the match as a flowing move split the Fatboys defence with their midfielder neatly tucking the ball under Robinson’s six foot eight frame and into the goal. It looked like the inevitable was going to happen. Again.

A bit of a rejig saw Walsh switch with Spies to add a bit of pace to the back line and 17-year-old Matt Jasper come on in place of Kutaa for his debut. Unlike Stuart Brown the previous week against Hove Lawns when he was subbed, Karel graciously came off and even took it upon himself to act as physio and spray some water over Walsh when he went down with a knock late in the game. The water wasn’t exactly what was required given the typhoon like conditions, but the thought was there.

Spies was now playing like a man possessed in the lone central front man role and was picking up considerable speed when closing down the Dynamos defenders, this inspiring the rest of the Fatboys to really dig deep and put in a real shift to see out the final few minutes. Robinson was called into action at the death and made a fantastic save at point blank range which ultimately sealed a 3-2 win for the Fatboys.

A real backs against the wall performance in the second-half from the men in lime green with a result that keeps us second in the league. It’s cup action next Sunday as we host Athletico VB from the West Sussex and District Sunday League.
 

Fatboys (4-3-3)

Dan Turner
‘Posh Boy’ Daniel as he was referred to by the Dynamos number nine spent the first half-hour in goal before late arrival Stuart Robinson took over. A flawless display between the sticks was followed up with a typically assured performance at centre half.
Michael Russell
Dealt very well with the tricky home winger who was certainly their most dangerous player. Offered a great outlet going forward and played a big part in Karel’s second goal with a clever run which opened the space for Keane to play the ball through.
Ryan John
Where do we start? Described by Steve Spies as ‘brain dead’ after several horrendous tackles, but head loss aside a very competent appearance after six weeks on the sidelines due to a groin injury.
Jon Ballantyne
Another sick note here, wee Jonathan played the first 30 minutes before being the sacrificial lamb for Robinson. Considering he’d played just 35 minutes of competitive football for the Fatboys this season prior to this fixture, he looked surprisingly calm alongside Ryan John.
Rob Lloyd
Welcome to the 100 club Bert! Mr 7/10 does it again with a textbook performance at left back. Videos of this man should be shown to aspiring young full backs around the world, he is an example to all both on and the off the pitch.
Steve Spies
The old boy does it again with stints in defence, midfield and up top. He completed the majority of the game in the holding role in front of the back four and linked up superbly with Brown and Robinson in the midfield.
Ronnie Robinson
Having spent last Sunday waiting at his window for a lift that was never coming, Ronnie planned ahead this week and got the reliable Ryan John to bring him to the match. A standard all action performance from the Fatboys’ number eight.
Andy Brown
Two assists, a yellow and several well worded tirades at the ref. Created a lot of openings for the frontline but had to sit deeper towards the end as the Fatboys defended the Dynamos late siege which was akin to the 1836 Battle of the Alamo.
Dave Keane
A stern talking to from Spies after one awful cross aside, Duck had a fantastic game. He seems to have rediscovered his pace and ability to beat a man which was missing during the latter stages of last season. A magnificent ball in to Kutaa for the Fatboys third goal.
Jordan Walsh
An absolute wonder goal to open the scoring, however he did also spurn several other golden chances. Moved to centre-back for the last 15 minutes with the Fatboys under the cosh and defended like an Aryan Terry Butcher with his luscious blonde locks.
Karel Kutaa
Have we finally found a replacement for Stuart Brown after all these years? A man who scores goals, is very likeable and doesn’t moan. He ticks all the boxes and provided a match-winning display on the left with a well taken brace.
 

Subs

Stuart Robinson
Clubman of the Year Award winner 2020. He was minding his own business and enjoying his Sunday at 9:30am when he received a desperate text from Andy Brown begging him to play. Big Stu was the hero of the hour and raced over to Rottingdean to help us out, and pulled off an incredible save at 3-2 late in the game to ensure we got the win.
Matt Jasper
A very promising debut from our new signing. Having found what looks like Stu Brown’s replacement in Karel, could we get rid of the other attacking dead wood Dave Keane with the younger and far more talented Matt Jasper?
Charlie Tyzack
Just the 15-minute cameo for Tyzack this week, who celebrated the news he was on the bench as if he had scored a goal. He got to spend 75 minutes as part of the WAG brigade and then came on for his idol Bert at left-back. A Rob Lloyd DVD will be posted to Charlie in the week as he steps up his development regime.
Jack Lewis
Unused.
 

Goals

17’ Walsh, assist A Brown
24′ Kutaa, assist A Brown
39’ Kutaa, assist Keane
 

Man of the Match
Lots of solid performances but the standout player for the Fatboys was Steve Spies. Started in the holding role, moved to centre-back and then spent the last 10 minutes up top chasing down lost causes as we held on to take all three meat joints. Karel Kutaa was a close second but let himself down with the water over Jordan incident.