Hassocks Fatboys 5-4 Preston Dynamos
Roy Terrington Trophy Third Round
Sunday 5th January 2020
It had been a long time since Hassocks Fatboys had last faced Sussex Sunday League Premier Division opponents. Seven weeks in fact and that occasion hadn’t gone particularly well as we were unceremoniously dumped out of the Sussex Challenge Cup, losing 6-1 away at AFC 2015.
Since then, a combination of still being in what feels like eight different cup competitions, the weather and league newcomers Standalona getting themselves suspended by the FA for racking up debts which Katie Price would be proud of meant that we’d only played twice. And both of those games had been against lower division opposition in Tally Ho and The View.
The visit of Preston Dynamos to Clayton in the Roy Terrington Trophy – another cup – would provide a stern enough test as it was. We’d squeaked past Dynamos by one goal on the two occasions that we’d already met in the league this season. Throw in a certain amount of ring rust from Christmas and the fact we hadn’t actually beaten a fellow Premier Division side since AFC Aymer were vanquished 7-3 in October and it looked like it could be a long morning.
To come from 2-0 down to win a topsy-turvy game 5-4 represented an excellent result then. A pretty ropy first half was followed by a much improved second for the large crowd who had gathered at Clayton, swelled by several members of the reserve squad who were in attendance ahead of their Junior Invitational Cup Quarter Final later that evening against Sands United.
There was a tense atmosphere in the changing room before kick off with Andy Brown in a particularly cold mood towards Ronnie. The previous day had been the big Lindfield derby between Lindfield and Sporting Lindfield. For the first time ever, the noisy neighbours Sporting had beaten their local rivals and Andy wasn’t best pleased, telling Ronnie that his side should have at least celebrated the victory with a little more class rather than rubbing their opponents face in it afterwards.
Jamie Wilkes then revealed that the previous time Lindfield had beaten Sporting, Andy insisted that they all go to the Red Lion – Sporting’s pub where Lindfield had never, ever been after a fame before in order to celebrate in front of the opposition.
Speaking of Sporting, Ryan John was one of their players on that occasion and he was back in the Fatboys fold following an extended leave of absence. His words pre-game were “I’m either going to be Man-of-the-Match or have an absolute shocker”, which didn’t exactly fill anyone with confidence. Important to the success of Ryan is having him keep a cool head, so Dave Keane telling him just before kick off that he was even slower now than 50-year-old Spiesy looked at the time like an incredibly silly thing to do.
Luckily, Ryan ended up fulfilling the first part of his prophecy with an excellent performance alongside Spiesy at the back. The only foot that the defensive duo put wrong all morning was when Spiesy momentarily forgot that he was playing football and not rugby and hauled a Dynamos player to the ground in the box. That left the referee with no choice but to point to the spot and despite Scott McCarthy going the right way, the penalty was expertly struck into the bottom corner.
The Fatboys had fashioned a couple of early opportunities. Duck was looking a real handful down the right and he tried to play in Stuart Brown – leading the line in the absence of the injured Jordan Walsh – but Stuart wasn’t quite alert enough to get on the end of Duck’s through balls. It was a largely frustrating morning for Stuart in fact as he failed to score again afterwards, he decided to move from his number 11 shirt back to the number 20 he wore so successfully at the start of last season.
Duck switching from 10 to 12 has transformed him from a bloke who couldn’t score for nearly a year into a player almost as effective as 2014-15 Player’s Player of the Season Dave Keane. Stuart will be hoping his change has a similar impact, although a more cynical man than me might suggest that the real reason that Stuart has gone back to 20 is because it is an XXL and he’s rather enjoyed himself over the Festive Period.
Just before Dynamos’ opener, Dave Linehan took a shot that went out for a throw and Wilkesy fired just wide after good work by Stuart. Falling behind brought to an end that decent start from the Fatboys and they were soon all over the place defensively.
Michael Russell attempted one of his bold backwards moves to keep possession. This one involved heading the ball towards his own goal from 20 yards out, which only succeeded in putting a Dynamos forward in on goal with McCarthy having to make a flying save to keep the effort out and Rob Lloyd sweeping up the afters. Michael said afterwards that he knew what he was trying to do, which was just as well as nobody else had a bloody clue.
Wilkesy then stopped a certain goal when chasing back 70 yards down the pitch to make a stunning last man block as the striker was about to shoot. The reprieve was short lived though as a long ball over the top caught everybody out. From it, the visiting striker got the ball under control on his chest before hitting a rasping volley into the bottom corner for the best Sunday League goal of the decade so far.
With the Fatboys struggling to keep possession thanks to a combination of woeful passing and an inability to control the ball, set pieces looked like our best route to pulling one back. A lovely free kick into the box from Duck caused chaos and confusion and Andy got two shots away in the resulting melee, both of which were blocked… by Spiesy.
The veteran soon made up for being Dynamos’ best defender in the first half by scoring his first Fatboys goal in that crucial 10 minute period before half time. Duck swung over a corner which the visiting goalkeeper dropped onto the back of Spiesy’s head with the ball bouncing in. They all count though and with that, Spiesy became the oldest goalscorer in Fatboys history. One to tell his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-Grandchildren about next time they pop over for tea.
The message at half time was that this game was there for the taking. We were always going to be a little off the pace early on having not played anyone good since a month before the general election but as individuals began to feel their way back into it and get their touch back, we could go through the gears.
It didn’t take long for an equaliser to arrive. Just nine minutes after the restart in fact. Russell put in a crunching tackle at left back, winning back possession and feeding Wilkesy. He skipped past a couple of claret shirts before squaring to Duck who bore down on goal and produced an excellent finish to level up the tie.
Dynamos looked a little shell shocked at this and within five minutes, the Fatboys had the lead for the first time. Stuart held the ball up well and he sent Dave scampering away down the right. Dave made it to the by-line and pulled it back to Andy who was left with a simple tap in.
Dave dedicated his role in the goal to Derek Acorah, one of his personal heroes who had sadly passed away the previous day. Understandably overcome with emotion ad unable to carry on, Dave was then replaced by Karel Kutaa with Wilkesy dropping into midfield.
Karel was instantly into the game with a few of his trademark powerful runs right into the heart of the Dynamos defence. Twinkle-toes Wilkes drew a great save from the opposition goalkeeper as the Fatboys were well on top, which made the fact that we were about to concede two quick-fire goals doubly disappointing.
The first was as the result of a long ball over the top which left the striker to finish a one-on-one neatly. The second was a strange goal to concede. Andy began doing keepy ups on his own touchline before attempting to clear, only for the ball to hit the Dynamo’s striker in the face, spin wildly up into the air with a ridiculous amount of pace before dropping in at the far post. Stuart lost his mind at the defending which showed a blissful ignorance of the fact we’d just conceded a goal which defied all the known laws of physics.
It was the Keane-Spies set piece combination that hauled the Fatboys back into the game with 20 minutes left to play. Another excellent corner came in from Duck and unlike for his earlier goal, this time Spiesy knew exactly what he was doing as he headed down for Andy to smash home. That made it 4-4 for those at home struggling to keep up.
With the rain now falling and the thought of having to spend any more time out in it for a penalty shoot out so ghastly that we’d probably rather have lost, we decided to go for it by making an attacking change at full back. Off went the defensively minded Rob Lloyd and on came Chris Britton.
Sea Bream had of course retired in the summer to concentrate on his refereeing career, a decision that has gone very well if the opinions of the 913 present at Horsham v Lewes who referred to the linesman on New Year’s Day at the Camping World Stadium as a wanker are anything to go by.
Sadly, our predictions of Britton being out of retirement within a few months haven’t come to fruition. He was playing here purely because his brother-in-law was in Dynamos colours and he wanted family bragging rights. Luckily for Chris, he was about to get them as Stuart put Karel through and he easily beat the advancing keeper to make it 5-4.
Dynamos were incensed as they felt the goal Karel had been offside, although their cause in this regard wasn’t helped the the fact that the linesman’s flag appeared to go up before Stuart had even played the through ball. The referee asked the linesman why he had flagged and when he couldn’t convincingly explain the offside rule, the goal stood.
The visitors poured forward in the final 10 minutes, even throwing their keeper up for a corner in the dying seconds. He actually collected the ball at the back post but was dispossessed, Ronnie smashing it up the pitch to leave Karel in possession on the halfway line and with a free run at an empty goal. Unfortunately for Karel, the final whistle blew at that point and he was denied the chance to double his tally for the morning.
Not that it mattered. The Fatboys are into the quarter finals where they will now face either The Hartington or Peacehaven Athletic.
Hassocks Fatboys (4-3-3)
Scott McCarthy
Conceded four but there was very little he could do about any of them. His only other work of note was a decent save from a first half header.
Rob Lloyd
A typically solid performance at right back for Mr 7/10.
Ryan John
Stunning return to the fold after three months out. Won every tackle and header and read the game like a young Bobby Moore.
Steve Spies
Tore up the record books by becoming the Fatboys’ oldest ever goalscorer with his first half ‘header’. Added an assist for good measure in the second half.
Michael Russell
His backwards header from 20 yards to put Dynamos in was one of the highlights of the morning. Made up for that by playing a key role in the Fatboys’ second.
Dave Linehan
An emotional day for Dave following the death the previous day of Derek Accorah. Paid a fitting tribute with a quality performance which delivered an assist.
Ronnie Devonish
A good weekend for Ronnie as Sporting Lindfield beat Lindfield on Saturday to go with this Fatboys win.
Andy Brown
A mixed weekend for Andy as Lindfield lost to Sporting Lindfield on Saturday to go with the Fatboys win.
Dave Keane
Had the beating of his full back every time he ran at them. Dynamos couldn’t live his set piece delivery either.
Stuart Brown
Given a rare start through the middle in the absence of the injured Jordan. He got an assist with an excellent through ball for Karel’s winner. It will be interesting to see how he gets on next week back in the number 20 shirt.
Jamie Wilkes-Spies
“You’re always shit when you play as a left forward, so let’s see how you get on today,” were captain Andy’s words of encouragement before the game. He wasn’t shit on this occasion.
Subs
Karel Kutaa
An odd morning’s work from Karel. Turned up at 10.15am. Got changed in his car with his boot open and a sound system that looked like it had been borrowed from a Rolling Stones gig blaring. Scored a goal. Got changed in his car again. Went home.
Chris Britton
It was a real treat to see PC Britton back in a Fatboys shirt for the first time in six months. He was soon back into his groove, making some weird and wonderful noises.
Goals
31′ Spies, assist Keane
54′ Keane, assist Wilkes
59′ A Brown, assist Linehan
71′ A Brown, assist Spies
80′ Kutaa, assist S Brown
Man-of-the-Match
Dave Keane was excellent, Steve Spies claimed a goal and an assist but Ryan John was superb given that he hadn’t kicked a ball in three months.