“Where’s the kit Jordan?” “Oooooooh shit”

The George Millyard Cup campaign began for Hassocks Fatboys as they welcomed Premier Division outfit Preston Dynamos to Clayton. Some members of the Fatboys squad have fond memories in this prestigious competition, having won it nearly 10 years ago when playing for Bally Mooch.

Those players wanted to repeat their success wearing Mooch organge in Fatboys green. The rest of the squad were also determined to pull off a cupset, helping to put to bed last week’s very disappointing 7-0 defeat at the hands of Brighton Aces.

Sadly, the morning did not get off to the best of starts. Jordan and Ruari were at Clayton surprisingly early for the 9:30am meet, having left Haywards Heath with enough time to go via McDonalds for a lovely breakfast.

Walshy was soon questioned on the whereabouts of the kit, which he took home to wash after last Sunday. His reaction of “Oooooooh shit” before running back to his car meant only one thing. Walsh now faced a 20 minute drive back to Haywards Heath, followed by a 20 minute drive back to Clayton. For unknown reasons, Ruari also decided to go with Jordan in the car to retrieve the kit.

After the game had finished and we had a 3-2 win in the bag, Walshy felt confident enough to admit he had actually fallen over the kit bag left in his doorway so he couldn’t forget it on his way out the house. Manager Reece Wickwar may or may not have seen the funny side.

Whilst the team sat around for 40 minutes in the changing room waiting for the kit, they listened to a few songs. Reece then went through the team, including some strong words about the previous week’s disgraceful showing. Stuart thought he had escaped a dressing down last Sunday after storming off to his car before the final whistle had blown in fantastic captaincy behaviour, but he was not so lucky!

After a short, snappy warm up thanks to the kit cock up, the team were ready to go. Batchy was in goal with a back four of Davie, Jordan, Nick Parry and Luke Vick. Andy Brown, Max Gill, the Kemp Town Iniesta and Stuart made up the midfield four, leaving Ruari and Bod to lead the line. A strong bench consisted of Reece, Spiesy, Bruce, Bally and Dave Linehan.

The pre-game chaos in the Fatboys camp naturally meant that Dynamos started the brighter side. Their number nine sprung the offside trap but thankfully a fired-up Walshy prevented a major disaster, such as leaving the kit behind.

A few minutes later though and an excellent pass from the Dynamos centre midfielder split the Fatboys defence. The number 11 rounded Batchy and despite doing his best to miss, his scuffed shot managed to trickle over the line as Batchy attempted to hook the ball clear.

The response from Fatboys was exactly what manager Wickwar would have wanted. Some nice passing led to Andy bursting down the right after some clever play from Ruari. Andy’s lovely pass across goal found brother Stuart unmarked. With many already cheering presuming that he couldn’t miss, he did in fact put the chance the wrong side of the post.  

Both sides seemed very up for it, with the game being played in the right spirit and lots of strong tackles on display. The Dynamos manager was quite a character and he seemed to take a liking to Andy, constantly asking if Andy had a tough week at work after Brown’s strong tackle on the full back.

Dynamos broke again. Max made what looked to be an excellent tackle on the edge of the area, only for the referee to disagree and give a free kick. The resulting effort looked goal bound until Vick thankfully managed to get a toe onto the ball, taking it out for a corner.  

The number 9 was the next Dynamos player to have an opportunity to double his side’s advantage. He cut inside and his shot hit the post before rolling along the line. Davie seemed weirdly relaxed by all this. Instead of rushing to hack the ball clear, he calmly watched the ball trickle before taking a touch and then clearing away.  

Fatboys then started to take control, maybe inspired by Davie’s calmness. Stuart in particular was causing problems down the left and when he found some space in the area, he went for the unselfish approach and tried to pick out Ruari. The Dynamos keeper smartly rushed from his line to cut out the pass.  

The equaliser arrived next, rewarding the Fatboys for their nice football. Kemp Town Iniesta sent Ruari clear and he ignored the flag going up to play to the whistle and score with a lovely finish. The referee correctly overruled the offside. This was accepted with a cheeky smile and an agreement of a mistake by the Dynamos linesman.

Fatboys were now in the ascendancy. After a long throw was nodded on by Bod, Ruari and Luke’s eyes lit up at the chance to smash home on the volley. This did not happen as both men ended up tackling into each other. To make matters worse, Dynamos went straight on the counter and it needed some good play from Max to thwart the danger.

Vick was soon in the action again, whipping in a free kick. Ruari and the Dynamos full back ended up crashing into the goal whilst wrestling each other to the floor. The referee refrained from booking either player, instead told both players to grow up. Wise words from an official having a great morning.

Walshy then played a peach of a pass over the defence. Ruari used his electric pace to latch onto it and as he closed in on goal, the Dynamos captain took drastic measures in stopping Ruari. A penalty was the only outcome, whilst the defender could consider himself lucky to only receive a yellow card rather than a red.

Normal penalty taker Ruari was suffering from a dead leg as a result of that foul and so the spot kick fell to Andy, who has probably missed more penalties than he has scored for Fatboys. True to form, Brown could only smash the ball full pelt into Ditchling as the half finished 1-1.

Half time brought a much more positive team talk than last week, almost perfect actually, until Ruari and Luke got in a squabble about tackling each other. You can tell Reece is a primary school teacher and he put his skills to good use by quickly killing the argument and focussing on the positives.

Just like in the first half, Dynamos made a fast start. A break down the right from the number 11 forced Batchy into a smart save. Batchy then had to make another good stop from the resulting corner. With the ball only temporarily cleared, the Dynamos centre mid unleashed a thunderous shot from 25 yards which crashed off the post and was cleared by Parry.

Fatboys managed to ride the early pressure and began to play some nice football again which led to the lead being taken for the first time. Luke played a lovely ball up the line for Stuart and although the captain still had plenty to do, his pass found Ruari who took a touch and drilled in at the near post.

Dynamos were rocked by this and the Fatboys went hunting for a third. Stuart played a teasing ball into the area which appeared to strike the arm of a defender. The referee did not agree and refused to award a penalty, which was all a bit too much for Ruari. The incensed appeals of the top scorer earned him a 10 minute spell in the sin bin.

Reece used going down to 10 men as a chance to make some changes. The player-manager brought himself on along with Dave as Bod and Davie made way. One of the first jobs of the new arrivals was to watch the Fatboys concede.

A through ball from the Dynamos did not initially look like it would cause too much trouble. Unfortunately, Parry could not get his feet right to hack the ball clear and the winger managed to pounce, tucking the ball under Batchy to level the scores at 2-2.

Once Ruari was allowed back onto the pitch, the Fatboys again got hold of the game. His burst of pace down the left allowed him to cut inside and shoot. The keeper parried out to Reece who made no mistake by smashing into the top corner.

3-2 ahead and with the final whistle approaching, Spiesy, Bruce and Bally came on for Ruari, Parry and Kemp Town Iniesta. Dynamos began to push forward relentlessly in search of an equaliser but that seemed to suit the Fatboys who looked for gaps to play on the counter.

Spiesy used his experience to hold up the ball and release Reece with a cracking pass. Reece raced clear but the Dynamos goalkeeper made an excellent save to keep the tie and the prospect of a penalty shootout alive.

With Andy’s first half spot kick still in orbit somewhere over Lewes, he looked more determined than anyone to avoid penalties. Brown rallied the troop and then put in a strong tackle on the winger, leading to a second wrestling match of the morning.

The referee issued two yellows, one to a Dynamos player and one to Ruari, whose crime had been to break up the fight. Maybe the official was a WWE fan who wanted the players to continue rucking and was not impressed by Ruari taking on the role of security?

There was one final heart-in-mouth moment for the Fatboys when the Dynamos left winger cut inside and unleashed a fierce strike which sailed just over the bar. The final whistle blew shortly after, confirming the Fatboys’ place in round two of the George.