Hove Lions 1-8 Hassocks Fatboys Reserves

Sussex Sunday League Division Four
Sunday 10th November 2019
 

On Remembrance Weekend, Hassocks Fatboys Reserves paid tribute to all the fantastic soldiers who made the ultimate sacrifice for the country by racking up their biggest ever competitive win with an 8-1 success over Hove Lions.

Lions provided familiar opposition given that the Fatboys had only played against them a week ago. That one finished 2-1 to Reece Wickwar’s men at Clayton, so to then go and improve that score by six clear goals a week later represented an excellent result.

The game took place at the Fatboys’ former home of Waterhall, where Wickwar had the luxury of selecting a very similar squad from the previous week. 22-year-old Nick Jones lined up in goal with a back four consisting of Nick Davie, Des Balderdash, Glen Clayton and Stuart Young. Luke Vick returned to the midfield three alongside Reece and Gregg Chappell with an unchanged front line of Simon Old’Brien, Chris Clayton and Alejandro Knott.

The Fatboys flew out the traps with Young and Old’Brien causing real problems down the left hand side. C Clayton up front meanwhile was using his strength well and it wasn’t long before the Fatboys took the lead, C Clayton sliding in Old’Brien who skipped away before passing to Ando who smashed home for 1-0.

Not content with that, the Fatboys continued to pile the pressure on. Wickwar and Chappell were running the game in midfield with their constant balls out wide to Knott and Old’Brien an absolute joy to watch and it wasn’t long before the veteran striker had his second assist of the morning. This time, Wickwar put Old’Brien in and he used all his experience to make the most of the time available to him before playing a peach of a pass to Knott. Another calm finish gave Ando his second.

By the time the 15 minute mark arrived, the Fatboys had added a third. This time it was Davie who was the player causing problems, rampaging forward down the right wing from his full back position to slip a ball through to Knott. He still had a lot to do but he used his pace to tear away from the defence before beating the goalkeeper for a quickfire hat-trick. A fine response to a stern pre-match team talk in which Wickwar had queried the lack of goals from his strikers over recent weeks.

Knott nearly added a fourth when C Clayton played him in but he was slightly off balance and his shot flew just wide of the post before heading all the way onto the infamous Pitch 8. Wickwar then had a chance after a nice one-two with Vick but the player-manager’s final shot after a cracking run sailed over the bar and almost onto Mill Road.

Despite being 3-0 ahead, the Fatboys knew that Hove Lions weren’t out of it. This was especially true as nearly everyone in green was pouring forward, thinking they could get in on the scoring act, which left some big gaps at the back. At one point, Glen was the only defender left and as a result he had to take drastic action to thwart an attack by removing the legs of a Lions striker. The bearded centre back earned himself a yellow card as a result.

Young then had a nasty slip as he attempted to deal with a long ball over the top which had evaded the rest of the Fatboys defence, allowing a Lions player a free run at goal. Luckily, young Jones was quick off his line and pulled off a cracking save to keep his clean sheet intact.

Having gone 20 minutes now without scoring, the Fatboys were keen to add another before the half time whistle blew and that is exactly what they did. Wickwar sent Old’Brien clean through but the ageing forward passed up the chance to net himself, instead squaring unselfishly for Knott to tap home for his fourth goal of the game, the first player to achieve that feat for the Reserves (if we ignore Jordan doing it last season when half the first team famously played against Amici). Felicidades, Alejandro.

Having eased into a 4-0 lead inside of 45 minutes, it was understandable that the Fatboys took their feet off the gas at the start of the second half. There were a lot of stray passes made and a lot of needless fouls committed. Lions eventually managed to take advantage of this sloppiness and with Glen and Young attacking the same ball, the Lions striker found himself with a clear run at goal. He made no mistake, converting past Jones for 4-1.

Wickwar decided to sub himself off with Andy Brown taking his place. But even the introduction of the club captain couldn’t steady the ship as the Fatboys continued to be a bit all over the place. The Lions nearly added a second during their period of domination, the left winger skipping past Davie before unleashing a fierce shot which Jones did superbly to parry over the bar (yes, he wasn’t lobbed!!!!!!!!!!).

The strange sight of Jones not being lobbed seemed to spur the Fatboys on and they gradually retook control. Chappell burst through the Lions back line before getting hacked down. Vick’s delivery from the resulting free kick was superb to find the head of C Clayton but his effort sailed just over the bar.

Wickwar made further changes with Sam Harding replacing Old’Brien, Mark Potter taking the place of Chappell and Jules Clay coming on for Davie. Potter’s first contribution was a lovely one as he skipped through the home defence, forcing a corner with a shot that was deflected just wide. Another great set piece delivery from Vick followed with Balderdash hitting a shot against the post, the loose ball falling straight to Sam Harding who lashed home from close range. Harding was clearly delighted as he ran off screaming “YAYYYYYYYYYY” in a rather high pitched voice.

Wickwar displayed some out-of-the-box thinking with his next substitution, replacing the 7 foot tall, 500lb Clayton with 4’3 Kevin Ticehurst in a straight swap. Wickwar also brought himself back on and he soon set up a sixth for the Fatboys, although Ticehurst incredibly tried to claim the assist. Wickwar swung over a corner which Balderdash volley home. Kev though reckoned that it was his off the ball run that had led to the goal, something which Reece was very quick to crush by saying, “Well I took the corner and Des volleyed it in”.

The Lions looked defeated at this point as Brown began to use his skill and energy. He teased the home defence with a mesmerising run before slipping in Potter. Somehow, Potter turned into David Silva at this point as he glided his way through before curling a stunning finish into the back of the net for his first goal in nearly three years.

This did not sit well with the Lions, nor did the fact that the couldn’t get close to Brown. Eventually, it all became too much for their player-manager, who took it upon himself to hack Brown down. Andy didn’t take too kindly to this, the two squared up and when the Lions man made the slightest of moves with his head, Brown threw himself to the ground. The Lions player-manager was even more riled by this and had to be held back by his own team mates, with the watching Stuart Brown entering the field to prevent a further attack on his sibling, A lovely display of brotherly love.

After all that drama, there was still time for the Fatboys to notch their record-breaking eighth. G Clayton had subbed himself off while shouting at Wickwar, “Reece, for some reason I can’t move my neck.” Chappell took his place and played in Wickwar, who cut in from the wing and unleashed a worldy strike into the top corner for another live contender for Goal of the Season.

The Reserves don’t normally score enough for there to be any serious competition for this, like three seasons ago when Kenny Tinnion won with a free header from five yards out. But we’ve already had four or five brilliant goals this time around and if there can be more performances like this, then the candidates will keep growing.

 

Fatboys Reserves (4-3-3)

Nick Jones
Made some superb saves when called upon, including one which chairman Mark Potter described as “The best save you’ve made in three years.”
Nick Davie
For a man that got in at 4.30 in the morning and had a Mega Buddies Buster still firmly in his gut, he did bloody brilliant getting up and down the right hand side. Got an assist to his name.
Des Balderdash
His versatility was there for all to see as he did a splendid job at centre back this week. Made some strong tackles and vital clearances. Notched a goal to top off a fine morning.
Glenn Clayton
Will be slightly aggrieved with his team mates that because they all went missing, he was forced into taking a booking for the team and as a result, Bod now owes the Sussex FA £10. Led by example as usual in another fine morning of work.
Stuart Young
Defended sensibly and also got forward to put in some lovely crosses. Made a cracking chocolate pizza in the Great Fatboys Bake Off, which went down very well in the Club post match.
Luke Vick
Kept his discipline superbly throughout the game. Played some cracking passes out wide and won every header when called upon.
Gregg Chappell
The fans favourite made some strong tackles and got forward very well. Hove Lions accused him of being too aggressive, which both he and the referee laughed off.
Reece Wickwar
Took his goal well and was always a constant threat going forward. The Wickwar Revolution continues.
Simon Old’Brien
A hat-trick of assists from the veteran striker. Really unselfish display from him and rolled back the years to 1972 with some cracking turns of pace.
Chris Clayton
The only thing missing from his performance was a goal. Really deserved one too, as he was constantly getting in the right place at the right time and causing a lot of problems.
Ando Knott
A sensational performance from the Spaniard. Absolutely ruthless in front of goal to notch four times and was always willing to put the defensive work in.

 

Subs

Andy Brown
On the end of his 500th handbags disagreement with an opposition player. Other than that, was at the heart of everything when he came on. Lovely pass for Potter’s goal.
Sam Harding
He was delighted to get his goal which he celebrated like a kid opening a PlayStation on Christmas morning. A real handful on the right hand side when introduced.
Mark Potter
Got the biggest cheer from the travelling Fatboys supporters when introduced and he gave the watching support even more reason to be delighted with a cracking goal. The Sunday League David Silva has been born.
Jules Clay
Was very tidy at the back, clearing up sensibly when he had to – most importantly when Jones was lobbed late on and Uncle Ju did well to save the day.
Kevin Ticehurst
Put in an unfamiliar role of central striker. Didn’t look out of place there and played some nice one-twos with the wingers. More importantly though HE TOOK THE KIT HOME TO WASH!

 

Goals

Knott, assist O’Brien
Knott, assist O’Brien
Knott, assist Davie
Knott, assist O’Brien
Harding, assist Balderdash
Balderdash, assist Wickwar
Potter, assist Brown
Wickwar, assist Chappell

 

Man-of-the-Match

Plenty of candidates this week but there’s no way it can be anyone other than Ando Knott for his four blistering goals in 45 wonderful minutes.