Four first half goals send Fatboys to first defeat

Hassocks Fatboys had almost forgotten what it was like to be involved in a Sunday League high scoring thriller. Almost. After a 1-1 draw, a 4-1 win and a 3-1 win so far this season, normal service was resumed as the Sussex Sunday Premier Division table toppers went down to a 4-3 defeat against Peacehaven DPA. 

You may remember the name of DPA’s forward, Ross Sutton. The Fatboys certainly do. Last season he managed to score a 90 second hat-trick against us which led to a fantastic Andy Brown meltdown towards the defence of “Stop fucking around back there.” As Gary Whittington pointed out at the time, we weren’t fucking around, he was just too good for us. 

It was a similar story this time around. Sutton didn’t actually score on this occasion but he did set up three of DPA’s four first half goals, the first time we have conceded from open play since the opening game of the season. It was a match winning performance that left Gander totally bamboozled with the Fatboys centre back heard to say at one point “I don’t actually know what I’m doing.” 

DPA arrived late and seemed unprepared which was hardly a surprise, given that a couple of weeks ago their manager received a five year ban from football and a £700 fine from the FA for match fixing. In Sunday League. To put that in perspective, Luis Suarez was banned for eight games and fined around a quarter of his weekly wage for racially abusing Patrice Evra at the highest level in front of a television audience of millions. A jockey who deliberately doesn’t ride to win a race in which there could be hundreds of thousands of pounds riding on the outcome can be forced out of the sport for six months. Put simply, this was a mad, over-the-top punishment for the DPA guy but then nothing that the FA does can surprise anyone anymore. 

Anyway, the Fatboys took advantage of the slow start from DPA to go 1-0 ahead inside of two minutes. Like Sutton, Andy Brown would set up three goals of his own, a feat which made him the first player to notch 50 assists for the club. That takes him 15 ahead of brother Stuart who was rumoured to be manically searching through the Qantas website for flights back from Australia on Sunday night while punching himself in the head and shouting “I CAN’T LET ANDY BEAT ME.”

The assist for the first was the best of the lot, a probing crossfield pass to Peter Martin who accelerated past the cumbersome DPA defence and produced a delicate chip from out on the right that nestled into the left hand side of the goal. 

Last week, a Martin goal was the Fatboys cue to park the bus but it became pretty evident that DPA were going to be a lot more adept at negotiating a way through than AFC 2015 were. Scott McCarthy had to make a stop from close range minutes after the Fatboys took the lead and that warning sign wasn’t heeded when the DPA midfielder – sporting a fantastic set of dreadlocks, it must be said – ran through four men and smashed a shot into the bottom corner.

Brown went close with a shot from a full 40 yards and it was from another Brown effort that the Fatboys retook the lead. This time the Fatboys captain forced the DPA keeper into a good stop but you can’t afford to be parrying things out with Joe Brockes on the scene. Brockesy missed all of last season on work experience at Gringotts Bank and he showed that he learned much from foraging in the underground vaults for gold with his fellow goblins, as he foraged up the loose ball and produced a pinpoint finish. 

Then came the Sutton Show. First he showed quick feet and strength to hold off a couple of players and tee up a midfield runner who smashed home and then he danced his way into a crossing position on the right, hanging the ball up to the far post where a midfielder runner was on hand to head powerfully in. 

Now you may have noticed the phrase midfield runner was used there twice. This was the other half of our downfall on the day as we failed to track the DPA players running from deep despite the best efforts of Brown and John Humphrey. Would having one of Jack Lewis, Sam Holman or Dan Jacques have made a difference? We will never know. 

Brown had what he thought was a stonewall penalty appeal turned down when he had in fact been tripped over by Brockes and the Fatboys were dealt a blow when Ananda Hoque went off injured with Rob Lloyd taking his place. 

There was nearly an equaliser from the most unlikely of sources when a beautiful cross in from Martin made its way to the far post. The goal was gaping, the ball was a yard out and yet Daniel Pidgeon somehow contrived to dive over the top of it and into the net, claiming he got injured in the process – apparently, it was his long standing knee problem but one medical expert said he looked to be suffering with bruised pride. 

That remarkable miss proved costly as DPA went 4-2 ahead, Sutton this time releasing the ball on the edge of the box where it was hit accurately into the left hand corner through a crowd of players less than five minutes before the break.

Captain Brown used half time to urge the troops to stand up and not to dive in and he was lucky to escape a booking 30 seconds after the restart for diving in and not standing up. That being said, second half was a vast improvement from the Fatboys, helped in part by Humphrey and then substitute Sam Lowe keeping Sutton quiet in a man marking job. The one time he did get away he was denied by the knee of McCarthy with a fine one-on-one stop. 

DPA’s only other chance of the half was an excellent own goal attempt. Not content with producing a candidate for miss of the season, Pidgeon nearly went better when his attempted clearance smacked McCarthy square in the face and bounced goalwards. Pidgeon did well to retrieve the loose ball before it could cross the line, although he was clearly confused about the entire passage of play as he then calmly dribbled it off for a corner under absolutely no pressure. 

The Fatboys third had arrived early in the second half, well before all those fun and games started. Brockes was again the scorer and Brown again the architect, the latter crossing to the former who finished with aplomb for his second of the afternoon. 

There were a number of half chances for the Fatboys throughout the remained of the half; Jon Ballantyne embarking on a few startling runs forward, Chris Britton trying his luck from the left before injury curtailed his morning and Michael Russell even had an effort that wasn’t far away after he was moved from left back into Britton’s left midfield slot.

That allowed the Fatboys to get Gary Whittington onto the pitch and his famous long throws were instantly causing issues while Brockes had a couple of opportunities but his and his team mates decision making was poor – although not as poor as the fantastic story Goblin relayed about his game the previous day for Bolney Rovers when, with the opposition goalkeeper up for a corner in the last minute, Brockesy got on the counter, running the length of the pitch with the ball and nobody around him, only to pass it wide of the post once he had reached the other end.
Our finishing wasn’t quite as desperate as that excellent tale but despite lots of honest huffing and puffing, the DPA door was never effectively blown down. That aside, it was another promising display from the Fatboys in a season that is already looking a far cry from last years struggles. All very un-Sunday League like.