Fatboys shock County Cup holders to book quarter final spot
Not only did Hassocks Fatboys manage to eliminate the Sussex County FA Sunday Cup champions of the past two seasons from the competition at the second round stage, but they did so while producing a near-perfect example of ‘How to cock up a five goal lead’.
A Peter Martin hat-trick and a Jordan Walsh brace had put the Fatboys 5-0 up against Real Rosehill inside of an hour. What then followed was something akin to speed dating substitutions as the hosts were so determined to give all of the 15 man squad good game time that they began making single, double and treble substitutitions all over the place. At one point, the official time keeper clocked 12 subs in four minutes.
The result was, perhaps unsurprisingly, chaos and confusion of the sort the Fatboys used to specialise in but haven’t done so as much this season. Rosehill pulled three back, had a strong penalty claim turned down and, with the wind and sun in their favour, came close to completing what would surely have been the greatest comeback since Mel Gibson’s recent return to Hollywood favour.
The Fatboys dominated the first half although they were helped by a pretty poor performance from Rosehill. The reigning County Cup champions are going through something or a rebuilding phase and you could tell as they looked like a side who hadn’t played together much, giving the ball away constantly and making the wrong decisions more often than not.
That it took over 20 minutes for the Fatboys to open the scoring was a travesty. Martin, Walsh and Andy Brown all missed good chances and John Humphrey would have had a half chance had he of headed or just struck a loose ball on the edge of the box goalwards, rather than mistakenly believing he was Paolo Di Canio and attempted a forward scissor kick. Brown also went close with a distance effort that dipped and swerved agonisingly wide.
28 minutes had elapsed when the men in green finally took the lead, Michael Russell sending Ananda Hoque away down the right with his pull back being swept home by Martin for 1-0. Martin doubled the lead shortly after, not that you’d have known he was the scorer from the way Humphrey celebrated the assist. To be fair to John, he had done superbly to win the ball back, bamboozle a man with a drop of the shoulder and loft the ball through to Martin who coolly rounded the goalkeeper.
Whether this justified Humphrey rounding around high fiving every person in a green shirt in a 50 metre radius is up for debate. What isn’t up for debate is that it gave players of John Catchphrase Bingo a brand new addition for their cards with “That’s what John does!!!” joining “I’m 45!!!”, “Put it on John’s head!!!” and everyone’s favourite, “Nothing’s getting past John today!!!”
Rosehill’s only real chance of the half came from a free kick – given away by Jack Lewis, you’ll be surprised to hear – on the edge of the box which Scott McCarthy showed good hands to hold onto under pressure. There was therefore a sense of regret at the break that the lead wasn’t bigger although, knowing what was to happen when we did increase it, perhaps it was a good thing we weren’t out of sight earlier in the game as that only would’ve given Rosehill longer to get back into the tie.
It was pretty evident early in the second half that Rosehill were going to give a much improved account of themselves as they dominated the first 10 minutes with some vital blocks from Jason Gander, Daniel Pidgeon and one close range save from the advancing McCarthy ensuring the goal wasn’t breached.
A long half looked in store then until a burst of Fatboys goals, Brown sending Walsh away for 3-0; Brown hitting the post and Walsh following up for 4-0 and then Lewis turning over possession and releasing Martin who wrapped up his hat-trick by making it 5-0.
At that point, speed dating subs kicked in with Chris Britton, Joe Brockes, Jon Ballantyne and James Ballantyne all introduced in the space of a couple of minute. This was Big Bally’s first appearance of the season and it almost didn’t happen at all after he had made the disastrous decision to trust his younger brother to bring his kit from their mothers house in Burgess Hill. What with this being a Saturday night and everything, Jon had been so pissed that he forgot he had James’ bag – despite telling Andy “I must remember to bring James’ bag” during their curry – and so turned up at Waterhall without it. James was therefore left to scramble around, getting some shin pads off the reserve teams Kenny Tinnion and some boots from McCarthy.
Remarkably, those boots nearly turned out to be scoring boots as Ballantyne had two good opportunities to open his account for the club that were marginally closer than his one previous shot in a green shirt, the infamous effort from three yards that struck a satellite against Pink Flamingos Reserves a few seasons ago.
The general prolificacy of the Fatboys looked like it might come to haunt them as Rosehill took advantages of the disruption of so many substitutions – Martin, Walsh, Brown and Hoque were among those replaced who would come back on – to score three times.
The first two were virtually identical as a Rosehill midfielder picked up the ball on the halfway line, beat five men with a variety of Maradonna turns, Cruyff turns and general mesmerising footwork and buried the ball into the bottom corner. The third saw the ball hooked on the volley over McCarthy’s head with Little Bally producing an acrobatic clearance from about five feet behind the line. Russell – now running the line after leaving the back four with a clean sheet and another starring performance – correctly gave the goal.
There were a few scares after that for the Fatboys; the ball dropping just wide of the post and Little Bally making a last ditch tackle that had he have got a second wrong either way would’ve been a penalty but in truth the better chances were at the other end.
Incredibly, Gary Whittington had one of them when he went rampaging through after a one-two with Britton. Needless to say, Whittington reached the halfway line before his body gave up and he had to be subbed off. Hoque and Brockes meanwhile were locked in their own contest for Miss of the Season, both defying all footballing logic by failing to score from yards out.
Rosehill resorted to going long in the closing stages, a sensible move given Gander had now begun screaming “The sun, the sun, I can’t see” but McCarthy was proving bold in coming off his line to collect the balls pumped into his box and the Fatboys were able to see out the game for a 5-3 victory and a place in the quarter finals.
That last eight tie will be away at Worthing and Horsham League leaders Rudgwick Panthers. No, I’ve no idea where Rudgwick is either.
Line up
Scott McCarthy
Handling spot on and made one important save when he spread himself well in the second half
Michael Russell
Moved to the right side of defence from his normal spot on the left, he played a key role in the opening goal
Daniel Pidgeon
Headed and blocked everything he needed to, constantly putting his body on the line
Jason Gander
Plenty of solid defending & plenty of swearing. Did not appreciate the sun in the second half
Gary Whitttington
One rampaging run had medics everywhere covering their eyes with worry
Jack Lewis
Claimed his first assist for the club. Managed to last 20 minutes before making a foul
Andy Brown
Two assists in the second half & unlucky with a curling effort in the first
John Humphrey
“THAT’S WHAT JOHN DOES!!!!” He’ll be dining off that assist for years to come
Ananda Hoque
Great awareness to cross for Martin’s first. Produced a miss of the season candidate in the second half
Peter Martin
Given a start through the middle, responded with his first hat-trick for the club
Jordan Walsh
Moved to the left of the front three but still managed to bag himself a brace
Subs
Joe Brockes
Had a good 30 minutes, looking a real threat throughout and probably should have scored
Chris Britton
Played striker, left wing & holding midfield. Got a great selfie with a donkey afterwards
Jon Ballantyne
Couple of last ditch tackles made up for the complete cock up of forgetting is brothers kit
James Ballantyne
First appearance of the season and he had two good chances to score
Man of the Match
Has to go the hat-trick man Peter Martin who gave arguably his best ever performance in a Fatboys shirt to set up the win.
Goals
Martin 28 (assist Hoque), Martin 32 (assist Humphrey), Walsh 58 (assist Brown), Walsh 58 (assist Brown), Martin 63 (assist Lewis)