Whittington wows Lawns with lethal display of finishing
Knockout competitions haven’t been Hassocks Fatboys cup of tea in recent seasons but they were victorious in a cup game for the third time this campaign, defeating Hove Lawns 6-1 in the Roy Tettington Trophy.
Before this season, the Fatboys had won only two out of their previous 11 cup games. Now, they are into the third round of the league-wide competition, where victory over Amici Athletic or Hangover 96 would set up a second quarter final of the season following that shock run to the last eight of the County Cup that was ended by Rudgwick Panthers at the start of the month.
It was difficult to know what to expect as we lined up against Lawns. Yes, they may have be from Division One and yes, we may have beaten them 8-2 in a pre-season friendly. But in the last round we’d been bloody lucky to squeak through against Division Two side Hove and lets be totally honest, losing to a team struggling near the bottom of the division below would be a very Fatboys thing to do.
A lengthy injury and unavailability list didn’t look like it would help matters. For the first time since September 2012, the first team played a game without one of Scott McCarthy, Andy Brown and Jason Gander who were all injured. Michael Russell also missed out with broken fingers, James Ballantyne had a knee problem and it was unsurprising that Dan Jacques whereabouts were unknown given he was last spotted holding onto his eighth beer of the day while trying not to be sick on a train to the Amex at 11am the previous morning.
Sam Holman meanwhile remains suspended for temporarily turning the side of a pitch into a UFC arena while playing for Cuckfield Town. Until the Whitebellies have played two competitive games, he remains banned from all football. With the weather forecast for the next few weeks said to have led to God putting in a call to Noah to enquire about the availability of his ark building services, it looks as though we unfortunately won’t be seeing Holman back in green anytime soon.
This at least gave some players who have been on the periphery of the first team this season the chance to start with Sam Lowe and Kieran Poulton in particular doing well down the flanks and promising youngster Nick Jones having a solid showing in goal after being relegated from the reserves.
Lawns began the game brightly with the Fatboys only being able to get out of their own half twice in the opening 15 minutes. Unfortunately for the visitors, we scored on both of those occasions. The first came with five minutes played when Jon Ballantyne hit a brilliant pass from right back which allowed Joe Brockes to bear down on goal and round the Lawns goalkeeper for 1-0. The second was a carbon copy but this time from the left flank, Lowe winning back possession and sending Peter Martin away with the Fatboys captain making no mistake as he slotted home.
Sandwiched between those goals were two great opportunities for Lawns. Some typically terrible marking from a corner allowed a man with a comparable statue to Bilbo Baggins a free header inside the six yard box which he luckily glanced wide and then Whittington surrendered possession leading to a one-on-one which 22-year-old Jones saved well down to his right with Dan Pidgeon eventually clearing the loose ball away following an interesting interpretation of the can can.
Whittington had an interesting first half with the number crunchers suggesting that his pass completion rate for the Fatboys was 17% and his pass completion rate for Lawns was 83%. Such were his trials and tribulations that he took it upon himself to switch position with Chris Britton, Britton moving to centre half with Whittington going to left back all the while muttering, “I can’t handle this anymore.” This makes what happened in the second half all the more remarkable.
Before we get to that second half, there are a few more things to report on from the first. Namely missed chances for Brockes after some quick feet from Martin and Poulton who crossed when he perhaps should’ve been greedy and shot himself after being clipped in Martin. Daniel Pidgeon had an acrobatic volley from a corner cleared off the line and the wisdom of taking advantage of the Wetherspoons January Sale by drinking quadruple gins the night before a game was bought into question when Brockes threw up on the pitch just before the interval.
The Goblin was withdrawn at the break in order to ensure he’d got all that gin out of his system with Jordan Walsh taking his place and Walsh wasted no time in making his mark on the game, drawing a foul in the box to earn a penalty which he then converted himself for 3-0.
Nobody in their right mind associates the Fatboys with one touch passing football so the fourth goal was an absolute bolt from the blue. A whirlwind move through Martin, John Humphrey, Jack Lewis and Brockes – now back on the pitch – ended with Humphrey in on goal and he calmly passed the ball into the bottom corner. We’ve been waiting for the excitable Humphrey to score his first for the club for some time now purely to see how he would celebrate and he didn’t disappoint, raising one arm in the air and screaming “YESSSSSSSSSS” while sprinting along the goal line as if there was a packed stadium and a glut of television cameras capturing the moment.
Humphrey’s scoring came as a surprise but the Fatboys final two goals led to people actively searching Waterhall for rocking horse shit. They both came from the bloke who couldn’t handle it earlier and they were both absolute stunners. Think Ronaldinho against England in 2002 (sorry Kieran, Ananda and Jonesy who are too young to remember this) and you’re getting close to Whittington’s first, a looping effort from 30 yards out on the left that flew over the head of the Lawns goalkeeper and into the far corner.
Whittington’s defensive colleagues were clearly in shock as they then allowed a Lawns forward to skip through three challenges and net a deserved consolation. There was further shock to come however when Whittington bagged his second with 10 minutes remaining. A Martin shot was well saved but the loose ball caused chaos in the box with substitute Rhyan Thwaites slipping over as he looked poised to score the rebound. That allowed Whittington to come charging into the area from nowhere to slam the ball into the top corner with an effort so powerful it nearly broke the net.
Manager McCarthy pushed Whittington further forward in the final 10 minutes as the left back went in search of what would have been a remarkable hat-trick but it wasn’t to be, the game ending 6-1 for the Fatboys biggest win in 26 months.
Line up
Nick Jones
Pulled off two fine stops in either half in a strong showing. Distributing was wonderfully erratic
Jon Ballantyne
Did his job defensively and surprised everyone with a beautiful through ball for the first goal
Daniel Pidgeon
Went close with a flying volley. Led the defence well in the absence of Jason Gander
Gary Whittington
Went from a 1/10 in the first half to a 10/10 in the second. Remarkable mornings work
Chris Britton
A great array of noises and troublesome back passes to Jones. Hit the bar with one great curling effort
Kieran Poulton
Grasped the opportunity to start with both hands, frightening Lawns with his pace throughout
Jack Lewis
Tenacious performance in the middle although his claims to be the mastermind behind the fourth were shocking
John Humphrey
A composed performance rounded off with a cool finish. You got the impression he enjoyed it
Sam Lowe
Perfectly weighted pass set up the second and he did a lot of work up and down the left flank
Joe Brockes
The Fatboys main creative ran the show from just behind Martin. Fine amoung of sick produced as well
Peter Martin
Rose to the occasion of having the armband with a goal and an assist
Subs
Jordan Walsh
Introduced at half time. Scored a goal and claimed two assists in his 45 minutes
Rhyan Thwaites
Great to have him back. Unlucky not to score when slipping over in the box in a great position
Ananda Hoque
(Unused)
Man of the Match
Gary Whittington became the first man in football history to go from a 1/10 at half time to a 10/10 by the final whistle. Absolutely ridiculous performance and his first two goals for the club to go with it
Goals
Brockes 5 (assist Ballantyne), Martin 17 (assist Lowe), Walsh 55 (assist Walsh), Humphrey 62 (assist Brockes), Whittington 69 (assist Walsh), Whittington 81 (assist Martin).