Fatboys fail to turn up as Rosehill run out winners

A must win game against relegation rivals is never the best time to put in one of your worst performances of the season. Welcome to the world of Hassocks Fatboys.

This 3-1 defeat to Real Rosehill saw Rosehill leapfrog the Fatboys in the table, sending us into the relegation zone of the Premier Division with only two league games remaining. Those two games are against title challenging duo Kingston Village and White Hart so, barring an absolute bloody miracle, a place in the bottom two looks all but assured.

The defeat wasn’t even the worst thing about the day. No, that came with the discovery that the cafe at East Brighton Park has closed. Forget about blue passports, the end of freedom of movement and £350m a week (or not) for the NHS, this is the most damaging result of Brexit imaginable. The cafe had been a three time winner of the prestigious Fatboys Best Pre Game Bacon Sandwich award and needless to say, visits to this particularly grotty area of Brighton aren’t ones to look forward to anymore. Given the shock and sadness of the cafes demise, perhaps it is little wonder we were so shit.

Dan Jacques’ summary afterwards was that only three players did themselves any justice on the day – Ananda Hoque, Daniel Pidgeon and Scott McCarthy. Pidgeon put in some vital blocks and interceptions, McCarthy made three excellent saves in the second half and Hoque was easily the best player in green. Just a shame he only came on for the last 20 minutes at right back.

Jacquesy offering post game thoughts of course means that he was back in the side for the first time since his wedding to Jo (congratulations Dan, commiserations Jo) and was duly sick early on in proceedings.

Jacques’ return was about the only good news on the selection front. The absentee list was a long one with Jason Gander, Gary Whittington, Rhyan Thwaites, Sam Holman, Sam Lowe, James Ballantyne Kieran Poulton, Dave Linehan and Joe Brockes all missing and Jon Ballantyne an unused sub after his latest rectum related injury.

It’s mad to think that as recently as five weeks ago, we had 18 players available and were having to cut people from the match day squad. Now, we were grateful to Rob Lloyd for agreeing to be relegated from the reserves and new signing Jamie Partridge to make the numbers up.

Particularly galling was Holman’s absence. He’d been missing with a two game suspension from all football for turning a Cuckfield Town game into a reenactment of a WWE Royal Rumble. That ban had since been served but rather helpfully, the Sussex FA hadn’t updated their records which meant he was still showing up as suspended.

Given that if we pay a fine so much as five seconds late to the FA the punishment is to be hung, drawn and quartered before bring buried under a car park in Leicester ala Richard III, you’d think they themselves would practice what they preach with a bit of punctuality but no, we had to make do without Holman. And we don’t have him for much longer either as him and Kezzy are off to Australia in April for a year which will bring much joy to everyones Instagram feeds.

There was a heavy gale blowing through Whitehawk which the Fatboys attacked with in the first half, making little headway. With Gander out of the side, you might have thought there would be a higher defensive line but remarkably John Humphrey played even deeper than Gander and that left plenty of space between defence and midfield and midfield and attack.

Rosehill took advantage of that space to move the ball around well, scoring the only goal of the first half when a cross from out on the right hung in the air between Pidgeon and Humphrey, with Michael Russell’s man stealing in from the left to head home from six yards.

There were chances at the other end but the Fatboys found the Rosehill goalkeeper in inspired form, Jordan Walsh and Peter Martin both being denied by brilliant stops while Andy Brown continued where he left off from last week’s game against AFC 2015 by delivering some tantalising crosses from the right.

The Fatboys adjusted their shape for the second half, switching from 4-4-2 to 4-3-3 with Chris Britton joining Martin and Walsh in attack and Brown sliding into a more central position alongside Jacques and Jack Lewis.

That change paid dividends just past the hour mark when the Fatboys netted an equaliser, or at least they thought they had netted an equaliser. Brown found himself in on goal but given the Rosehill goalkeepers heroics in the first half, sensibly decided to square the ball to Britton who was arriving late in the box from the left.

Britton was behind the ball when it was played for him to slot home yet remarkably, the flag went up in one of the most blatant pieces of gamesmanship you will ever see. To rub salt into the wounds, from the resulting free kick Rosehill went straight up the other end and doubled the lead with a neat finish into the bottom corner. From what should have been 1-1 to 0-2 in less time than it takes to boil an egg.

Both sides had clear penalties not awarded after that, Walsh being brought down under a clumsy challenge in the box and Pidgeon flying in with an equally rash tackle a little later. It was then the turn of the two goalkeepers on show to shine, Martin seeing an effort destined for the top corner tipped away at full stretch and McCarthy saving a one-on-one from near point blank range, turning away the follow up down to his left and scrambling away a low free kick which beat the wall.

The game was up with 10 minutes remaining as Rosehill added their third with a stonking volley but the Fatboys did at least manage to score a consolation in the final five minutes, substitute Partridge marking his debut with a pinpoint floating cross which Britton looped into the top corner with his head to maintain his fine form in front of goal since acquiring a girlfriend.

Line up

Scott McCarthy
Three fine saves in the second half as he continued his good form since returning from injury
Rob Lloyd
Showed shades of his new attacking role with the reserves in a strong showing at right back
Daniel Pidgeon
Man of the match for a succession of vital tackles and blocks. Somehow got away without conceding a penalty
John Humphrey
Pitched in as an emergency centre back, he played an even deeper like than Gander normally manages
Michael Russell
Lost his man for the opener but not bad otherwise despite insisting he was shit afterwards
Andy Brown
A real threat again on the right, only denied a goal by an excellent stop from the Rosehill keeper
Jack Lewis
Some crunching tackles and there were some excellent handbags at one point
Dan Jacques
Got forward well. Produced what he described as “frothy sick”, suggesting he may have rabies
Chris Britton
Scored for the second game in succession, which can’t be a coincidence now he is in love
Jordan Walsh
Had a stonewall penalty turned down in the second half and met a keeper in inspired form
Peter Martin
Denied a goal of the season contender from distance by a stunning save

Subs

Jamie Partridge
Capped an encouraging 30 minute debut in midfield with the assist for Britton’s goal
Ananda Hoque
Had a quite brilliant 20 minutes at right back in which he put himself into man of the match contention
Jon Ballantyne
(Unused)

Man of the match

A toss up between Scott McCarthy, Daniel Pidgeon and Ananda Hoque but it just goes to Pidgeon for one of his best 90 minutes of the season

Goals

Britton 82 (assist Partridge)