Pevensey & Westam 3-4 Hassocks Fatboys
Pevensey & Westam away. Normally, a trip to Eastbourne would be a game where people are injured, sick or discover they’ve got to suddenly move house on a Sunday morning.
It’s the sort of away journey where numbers are so short that Gary Whittington has to glue his body back together and use an industrial amount of WD40 on his joints just so that Hassocks Fatboys can get 11 men out.
Not on this occasion though. With the Sussex Sunday Trophy Final just a week away, it was a near full strength side who made the long journey to the Sunshine Coast. Of the squad expected to be named for the clash with Unicorn United at Culver Road in seven days time, only Rhyan Thwaites, Jon Ballantyne, Rob Lloyd and Big Bad Stuart Robinson were absent.
With such a dearth of full backs, it meant reserve team stalwart Nick Davie being handed a second consecutive start at right back. The other big team news was captain Andy Brown starting on the bench owing to a dead leg. Andy proclaimed before the game, “I’m not coming on, even if we’re losing”, which we all knew to be absolute bollocks, as would prove to be the case when the clock ticked around to the 80th minute. Ryan John had also turned up wearing a t-shirt and shorts combo that made him look like a 45-year-old Dad taking his kids for a swim at the Triangle, much to everyone’s delight.
This was the third meeting between the Fatboys and Pevensey so far this season and despite the fact the men in green had won in both the league and the Roy Terrington Trophy against their opponents, both games had actually been incredibly close. And Pevensey once again showed what dangerous opponents they can be by taking an early 2-0 lead here which could and probably should have been even more if truth be told.
The first goal arrived after less than five minutes and what happened with it, God only knows. A short corner routine resulted in a cross being delivered which Scott McCarthy, Chris Britton, John and Dan Turner stood and watched bounce into the far corner. As Andy on the sidelines put it, arguably the worst goal the Fatboys have ever conceded – and there is a lot of competition for that accolade.
McCarthy then made two excellent stops, the first at full stretch low down to his left to tip a distance shot onto the post and the second again at full stretch from a long ranger which this time he pushed over the bar. John made several crucial blocks and Britton also had to be alert to deal with some dangerous play coming down the left.
The second Pevensey goal arrived on 25 minutes. McCarthy could only parry a low strike and with Turner still drunk from his night on the Broadway and John thinking about whether it was safe for his six-year-old daughter to go in the rapids alone, the Pevensey striker reacted quickest to scramble the loose ball home.
At 2-0 down, the Fatboys belatedly started playing as Ronnie Devonish, with another man-of-the-match performance, began to dictate things in midfield, although their attempts to get back into the game were thwarted by our old friend, the Pevensey linesman. In the first meeting of the season between the two sides, there were all manner of weird and wonderful offside calls given in the opening 45 minutes by the person running the line for Pevensey that day.
We were treated to another strange interpretation of the offside rules again here, the best one being when Stuart Brown ran through from about 10 yards inside his own half and the flag went up. Despite the obvious frustrations of the Fatboys front three, chances continued to come and Stuart, Dave Keane and Jordan Walsh all went close. The less said about Turner’s free kicks the better however, two efforts posing more danger to the birds nesting in the trees behind the goal than anything else.
It was with five minutes of the first half remaining – and almost immediately after that ‘offside from your own half’ call – that the Fatboys pulled one back. Jack Lewis played the perfect through ball and the referee, to his credit shouted, “No, no, no, he’s onside” as the flag was predictably about to go up against the onrushing Dave Linehan. Linehan made no mistake with the finish, expertly lifting the ball over the advancing goalkeeper for his fifth goal of the season at a very important time, coming as it did just before the break.
The Fatboys had ended the first half on top and with a combination of some of 46-year-old John Humphrey’s famous half time oranges and the significant wind now in their favour, they fancied their chances of going onto win the game.
The equaliser arrived nine minutes into the second half and it was a classic Fatboys goal. Virtually every opponent we’ve faced this season has derided us a long ball team, so they’d have absolutely hated what happened here as this was long even by our high standards. McCarthy sent a drop kick the length of the pitch to record a shot on target from 90 yards away which the Pevensey keeper could only fumble on the line. The predatory Walsh was on hand to challenge him and tap the loose ball home for the ultimate route one goal.
Linehan picked up a slight niggle after that and with the Fatboys not wanting to take any chances with injuries ahead of the following week, he was replaced by 46-year-old Humphrey. We didn’t want to take any chances with suspensions either as had been explicitly pointed out by manager McCarthy both before the game and during the break.
“No stupid tackles, no dissent, no cards before next week.” It was good to see Humphrey had heeded this instruction as within 30 seconds of his introduction, he launched a two-footed lunge which injured a Pevensey defender and for which he was lucky to escape with just a yellow.
Britton joined him in the book shortly afterwards, which was even more ridiculous as our resident qualified referee thought he could get away with a last man foul on a Pevensey player who was clean through on goal. Lewis took great joy in telling Britton he was lucky to be on the pitch still, although this may have been more out of retaliation for the fact that every time this season that Lewis has sought Britton’s expert opinion on whether the booking he’s picked up was justified, Britton has responded with either, “Yes”, “Definitely”, “Certainly”, “100 percent” or “No…it should have been a red”.
The Fatboys took the lead for the first time in the game in the 67th minute via a swift counter attacking move. One minute, McCarthy was making a sprawling one-on-one save and the next the ball was in the net at the other end, John having collected the loose ball and found Keane who released Walsh down the right to cross to Stuart for a neat swept finish.
The lead was short lived as Pevensey pulled one back within five minutes with a brilliant hit from the edge of the box to set up an interesting last quarter of an hour. It was at this point that Brown inevitably came on, replacing Davie with the Fatboys switching from their normal 4-3-3 to a 3-4-3.
It had the desired effect as Pevensey were overrun in the final 15 minutes and the Fatboys should have scored a winner much earlier than they did. Stuart produced an astonishing miss from a couple of yards, which seemed to go unnoticed given that most of the team were still laughing at the sight of Keane lying on the ground having fallen over his own leg in 30 yards of space 30 seconds previously.
Lewis then looked set to pull the trigger on the edge of the box but as he swung his right boot at it with all the power of the axe man who chopped off Marie Antoinette’s head, only to see the ball roll straight between his legs. When Lewis did manage to connect with a similar effort shortly after, Andy did some excellent defending on behalf of Pevensey by blocking it on the line.
It was actually from another Andy block that the winner arrived with just a couple of minutes remaining. Keane swung over a corner from the left and Turner’s goal bound header was kept out by the Fatboys captain. Luckily, John had taken his mind off helping his five-year-old son go down the flumes and was on hand to smash the loose ball home followed by the strangest celebration which can only be described as what River Dance would look like if Michael Flatley performed having had his legs anaesthetised before going onstage.
In an attempt to see out the final few minutes, the Fatboys returned to 4-3-3 with Andy dropping in at right back. Or at least that was what was supposed to happen, the captain instead interpreting right back to be playing on the left side of what subsequently turned into a front four. An interesting way to try to hold onto a one goal lead.
When Turner pointed this out to him, Andy’s response was “Look, I’ve come on, got an assist to win us the game and done my job.” In fact, everyone had done their jobs for an 11th Divison One win of the season. Bring on the cup.
Fatboys (4-3-3)
Scott McCarthy
Questions about the first two Pevensey goals but made three excellent saves and nearly scored from 90 yards, claiming an assist in the process.
Nick Davie
Given his second start of the season at right back. Won some good headers and played some nice balls up the line. His throw in technique seems to get weirder every week, much to Turner’s obvious delight.
Ryan John
Nice to see him take a break from taking the kids swimming at the Triangle to pop up with a last minute winner. Needs to work on his celebration as well as his fashion sense and his new liking for swinging his shoulder at the ball which although humorous is also highly illegal.
Dan Turner
His performance was a reminder to an ageing team of the time when we could all go out on a Saturday night, get completely hammered and not disgrace ourselves on a Sunday morning.
Chris Britton
Spectacularly stupid foul from a qualified referee given we have a cup final in a week’s time. Other than that, he had another solid game at left back including a couple of raids forward in which he might have broken his duck for the season.
Ronnie Devonish
Another star turn from the midfielder. He consistently won possession back, displayed a beautiful range of passing and allowed Linehan and even Lewis to push on. Of course, whether Lewis getting further forward is a good thing is up for debate.
Jack Lewis
A very clever through ball set up Linehan for the Fatboys first and he could have had a couple more assists were it not for some questionable offside calls. His second half air shot was an absolute joy.
Dave Linehan
A creative tour-de-force in the attacking midfield role. Made lots happen in the first half and scored a delightful lob before coming off as a precaution ahead of next week.
Dave Keane
Never has a man looked so happy to be in Eastbourne at 9.30am on a Sunday morning. Responded with his best performance for a while as a constant threat down the right. Apart from when he was falling over his own leg.
Jordan Walsh
Might have had a hat-trick had he not been flagged offside quite so often. Still managed to bag one and an assist as a real thorn in the side of the Pevensey defence.
Stuart Brown
A neat finish when sweeping home Walsh’s low cross to give the Fatboys the lead for the first time. Had an excellent rant at 2-0 down about how we might as well not bother playing in the cup final which lifted everyone’s spirits.
Substitutes
John Humphrey
Took “no silly bookings” to mean scythe a man down within a minute of coming on. Looked utterly confused playing in the attacking midfield role before swapping places with Lewis to play more defensively, where he excelled in his normal way.
Andy Brown
“I’m not coming on, even if we are losing” translated to coming on at 3-3 after 80 minutes. Justified it with an assist, although his interpretation of playing right back left a lot to be desired.
Goals
39’ Linehan, assist Lewis
54’ Walsh, assist McCarthy
67’ S Brown, assist Walsh
88’ John, assist A Brown
Bookings
Humphrey, trying to set a world record for quickest red card ever.
Britton, qualified referee committing a blatant foul when last man.
Man of the Match
Plenty of candidates with Jordan Walsh a bustling presence throughout and Jack Lewis playing killer passes but it just goes to Ronnie Devonish for an understated showing in the middle of the park.