Hassocks Fatboys Reserves 2-6 Lindfield III
“Forget it and move onto the next one.” Those were Hassocks Fatboys Reserves manager Reece Wickwar’s words after his side had suffered a 6-2 defeat against Lindfield III in their traditional pre-season friendly. The familiar face in the Swans’ dugout was more bullish.
Nick Jones had been put in charge of the opposition for the evening in the absence of Matt Batchellor. It ended up being a triumphant occasion for the 22-year-old, showcasing that he has a bright future in the game as both a goalkeeper and a manager.
Some might even suggest that the Fatboys have found Wickwar’s successor for when the popular current reserve team boss calls it a day, as he was close to doing this summer before an 11th hour intervention from Coronation Street’s Peter Barlow convinced him to stay.
Jones was keen to talk up his record afterwards. Speaking to the Mid Sussex Times, he said: “Jamie Stratton has faced Reece what, two or three times as a manager, and he has lost every time. I have managed against Reece once and have a 100% record.”
Rumours had swirled in the build up surrounding Jones’ desperation to get a win against the team he normally captains. There were whispers of him trying to recruit players from Lindfield’s first and reserve teams for the clash, including an approach to Fatboys’ club captain Andy Brown.
In the end though, it was very much a team made up of Lindfield III players who ran out convincing winners with a smattering of Fatboys first team players in Steve Spies, Matt Jasper and Mike McDonald.
Mike has now played against the Fatboys for Bolney Rovers on Sunday and Lindfield so far in pre-season; we look forward to him rocking up for either Horsted Keynes or B Town who provide the oppositions on Sunday.
Wickwar was without several key men here, including Ali Jenkins and Justin Parker. The experienced duo face significant spells on the sidelines after suffering knee ligament damage and breaking a toe respectively in Sunday’s 5-1 win over Crawley Royals.
If an average of two long-term injuries a game continues over the course of the 30 match Sussex Sunday League Division Four season (yes, there are currently 16 teams in the division so we can look forward to double headers in January again), then the Reserves could rattle through at least 60 different players in 2020-21.
Of those who were available, Scott McCarthy was promoted from the first team to take over in goal with Jones turning his hand to management. There was a back four of Nick Davie, Alex Oecken-Faithfull, Sam Wilson and the veteran Jules Clay, making the first appearance of his landmark 50th season in adult football.
Mark Potter fulfilled the holding role with Wickwar and Rob Lloyd either side and captain-for-the-evening Gregg Chappell was flanked by Josh Evetts and Joe Tolhurst in a new-look front three.
Chris Clayton and Kevin Ticehurst began on the bench and they were soon joined by the trio of Des Balderdash, Glen Clayton and Neil Kane. They were late after Des was delayed due to an overrunning Radio 2 event in which he was standing in as Michael Ball’s stunt double.
Lindfield had much more of the ball in the opening exchanges as the Fatboys struggled to get to grips with Jones’ three-at-the-back formation.
There was much space out wide for the Swans’ full backs to exploit but to be fair to the Fatboys, they prevented their opponents from doing too much despite dominating the possession count.
Neither side managed a shot of note until the opening goal arrived with 20 minutes played. A cheap free kick was conceded 30 yards out from goal which Wilson rose like to proverbial salmon to head away.
Unfortunately, nobody in puple reacted quickly enough to get to the second ball before Jasper, who drilled a low shot through the crowd and beyond the despairing dive of McCarthy. Clay meanwhile could be heard saying to nobody in particular “Maybe I could have closed him down”, which was a bit late, frankly.
Following the opener, Davie became the first Fatboy to launch a meaningful effort towards McDonald’s goal and what an effort it was as he crashed the cross bar from 30 yards.
Chappell could not quite get to the rebound first and that spelt trouble as Lindfield were able to launch a lightning quick break down the Fatboys’ right, where Davie was too busy marvelling at himself for rattling the woodwork to notice that two opponents were now streaking towards him.
Luckily, the counter resulted in nothing other than a stern reminder for Davie of his defensive responsibilities from manager Wickwar.
Lindfield adopted a change in approach after that, abandoning their width in favour of going long. There was an early indication of the joy that might bring when McCarthy had to advance off his line to save a one-on-one just prior to the game reaching its first water break.
Wickwar took the chance to deliver an ice hockey-style line change, switching five outfield players in one go. Most notably, that saw a new centre back partnership of Balderdash and Glen Clayton taking to the field.
Balderdash entered proceedings with a chilling warning of: “Me and Glen, we have history in defence.” The fresh faces were true to their word as less than 30 seconds after coming on, one of them missed a header from a long ball over the top and the other allowed the striker to latch onto it and lift over the advancing McCarthy to make it 2-0.
That seemed to throw the entire team into disarray. Having been caught out twice in quick succession by balls over the top, the defence began sitting deeper than the Titanic. Communication also completely disappeared, save for Davie shouting things like “Somebody mark Fish” which might have been helpful if anybody other than Davie had a clue who Fish was.
This lack of talking reached its nadir with the unbelievable sight of the 3’7 Ticehurst picking up 7’8 Spies from a long throw. It was like watching Tom Thumb trying to mark the Jolly Green Giant and the Fatboys were mightily lucky to see Spies’ header dip just over the crossbar.
Wickwar decided to change formation at that point, switching to an orthodox 4-4-2 to try and stem the flow. It had the desired effect as the Fatboys were able to get hold of the football and play a little bit, bringing Kane in with the striker embarking on some promising runs which nearly forged something.
The half time message from Wickwar was to keep working hard and try to find a way back into the game. Unfortunately, conceding three times in a mad 10 minute spell early in the second half put paid to any hopes of that happening.
A low one-on-one finish beat McCarthy for goal number three, number four came when Chappell tracked back into the box and momentarily forgot he was playing football for Hassocks Fatboys rather than rugby for Uckfield to concede a penalty and number five was arguably the most comical of the lot.
Having just berated his team for not looking after the ball well enough, Wickwar attempted a back pass to McCarthy that was closer to Ditchling than it was the goalkeeper.
Still, McCarthy thought he could get there. Then he decided he couldn’t. Then he thought he could again. And then finally settled on it being a lost cause, by which point the Lindfield striker had nipped in to finish. Wickwar and McCarthy agreed to accept 50% of the blame each.
Having conceded five times now, the defence belatedly decided to give Wickwar’s instructions of pushing high up the pitch a try an hour after they had initially been issued. This resulted in a much-improved final 25 minutes in which there were at least some positives to takes.
Evetts’ reinvention as a full back continued as he gave a decent account of himself at left back. There was was a first glimpse of a promising partnership between Oecken-Faithful and Glen Clayton, which will have cheered Wickwar a little given he could be without Jenkins for some time. And Potter managed not to fall over.
A well worked goal pulled one back for the Fatboys. Some neat passing in midfield released Chappell down the left with Kane stealing in at the back post to score in trademark fashion for his first 11-a-side goal since Gordon Brown was Prime Minister.
Lindfield responded immediately by adding a sixth when one… two… three men were queuing up unmarked to tap home a cross from six yards to make it 6-2.
The final goal did at least go to the Fatboys. Davie found himself in nosebleed territory as he barrelled into the Lindfield box where he received a slight nudge from a defender.
Watching Davie go down was like witnessing one of those massive concrete chimneys at a power station getting demolished through a controlled explosion. Had a crowd been allowed in to watch, they would have been captivated.
Referee Mickey Foreman certainly was and although he initially did not award the penalty as he was too busy laughing, Mr Foreman did eventually point to the spot. Bod duly converted to take the final score to 6-2.
Not an experience that many of the Fatboys Reserves will look back on too fondly. For Jones though, an evening that he will be telling the grandchildren about in 50 years time when he turns 72.
Hassocks Fatboys Reserves (4-3-3)
Scott McCarthy
Hadn’t kicked a ball since the first team’s Roy Terrington Trophy semi final defeat to Kemp Town in March. A couple of good saves to shake off the rust.
Nick Davie
Eager to impress against the side he turns out for on a Saturday. Did so by rattling the bar and earning a penalty in an action-packed display at right back.
Alex Oecken-Faithful
A composed showing at centre half. His eagerness to receive goal kicks shorts adds a new dimension and should result in Jones shanking it straight out of play less this season.
Sam Wilson
Won most of his headers and read the game superbly on the ground to cut out several through balls. All done while wearing a splendid pair of yellow boots.
Jules Clay
The veteran used his experience well to shepherd Jasper. Expect his next best seller to be titled “Jules Clay: How to Challenge Management” after a second half argument with Reece over Josh losing the ball.
Rob Lloyd
Mr Versatile rattled through three positions, starting in midfield, enjoying a spell at centre back and then finishing the game up top. A solid 7/10 as always.
Mark Potter
Disappointing lack of tumbling to the ground for the chairman. Used the ball well in the middle of the park with several trademark lunges thrown in for good measure.
Reece Wickwar
Tried to drive his team on with an energetic display in the middle of the park. Had a hand in Kane’s goal as the instigator of the passing move which led to it.
Josh Evetts
Started up front and had a couple of probing runs. Had another 20 minutes learning how to be a full back, this time out on the left.
Gregg Chappell
Wore the captain’s armband for the first time and although he could not mark the occasion with a goal, he claimed two assists – one of the Fatboys and one for Lindfield.
Joe Tolhurst
The Fatboys failed to make the most out of his talents by rarely getting the ball out to him on the left. Lots of hard work up and down the line despite the fact he saw little possession.
Subs
Des Balderdash
He predicted that himself and Glen would be a calamity at the back and within 30 seconds, that proved to be the case. Looked much better when moved into midfield.
Glen Clayton
First appearance of the campaign for one of 2019-20’s standout players. He continued where he left off, making tackles and winning headers galore.
Neil Kane
Continues to work his way back to match fitness after six years out. Timed his run to perfect to be in the right place at the right time to tap home the Fatboys’ first.
Chris Clayton
Two from two now for Bod who tucked away a penalty late on. Enjoyed a real tussle with Spiesy which at times resembled two big, bald giants from a Tolkien novel doing battle.
Kevin Ticehurst
Did exactly what was asked of him by Wickwar, keeping it simple and moving the ball along quickly. Some interesting noises and yelps thrown in for good measure.
Pre-season friendly
Thursday 13th August 2020
Downlands
Goals
Neil Kane (72′)
Assist Gregg Chappell
Chris Clayton (86′)
Assist Nick Davie
Man-of-the-Match
Kevin Ticehurst did everything that was asked of him in his hour in the holding midfield role.
Previous Matches
07/08/19: Fatboys II 2-2 Lindfield III
15/08/18: Fatboys II 1-1 Lindfield III
17/08/17: Fatboys II 1-3 Lindfield III