“I don’t think you need to worry about us challenging for the title”

The first match of Hassocks Fatboys’ double header against Castle Sports was a close-run thing. Despite managing to go 3-0 down inside of 10 minutes, we nearly completed a memorable comeback with only a questionable offside decision preventing a share of the spoils being earned against the Sussex Sunday League champions elect.

Game number two was somewhat of a different story. A side being held together by tape and deep heat ran out of steam after those earlier exertions as Castle eased to a 4-1 success, taking themselves a step closer to the Premier Division title.

Castle had arrived at Clayton probably thinking these two games were title deciders, what with them being between the top two in the table and everything. Jack told them whilst running the line during the first game: “I don’t think you need to worry about us,” and that turned out to be very true, even if the second game remained level for a decent wedge of the first half.

There was one change in personnel from the side who completed the opening hour. Jack had served his time running as linesman, copping a lot of abuse from the Castle side line and supporters despite being as fair in his decisions as a man who looks like notorious EastEnders rat Beppe di Marco can be. He came into the starting XI in place of young Max.

Having conceded a wonderful own goal in game one when Wilkesy smashed a loose ball into the face of Scott as he attempted to clear and it rebounded into the empty net, this time it was Mike who beat his own goalkeeper when deflecting an effort with his back into the far corner to give Castle the lead.

A similar scenario to the three goals conceded in the opening 10 minutes of game one suddenly looked very plausible. Remarkably though, it was us who went up the other end to level the tie within 180 seconds of the opener.

Andy was at his theatrical best, throwing himself to the ground in the area to earn a penalty. Willow made no mistake from the spot, converting for the second time in what was turning out to be a fruitful morning for the forward.

Willow’s next contribution was to send in a free kick which Jordan headed just inches away. The fact that we were in the game at this point convinced the watching Davo to drive home and get his kit, believing that by the time he got back for the start of the second half we might be in with a chance of winning.

Needless to say, that did not happen. An attacking corner went to waste and Castle broke at speed, releasing their tricky winger who was now one-on-one with Jack. The call from Scott in goal went something along the lines of “Just hold him up Jack, just hold him up Jack, just hold him up Jack… unlucky Jack” as Jack was done for pace followed by a shot clinically despatched into the bottom corner.

Castle made it 3-1 before half time, our favourite opposition player Zac getting the goal with another header that everyone in green had to simply stop and applaud.

Although there had been a stirring comeback in the second half of game one, by now every Fatboys player was on their last legs. Alex and Davo were introduced from the bench – Davo with the game in a very different place to how it had been when he legged it back to Burgess Hill – but not even that could lift us into doing much.

Instead, the second half ended up becoming a little heated. Surprisingly, this had nothing to do with Ryan who had taken over linesman duties in front of the Castle bench. Duck said what everyone was thinking when uttering “I don’t think this is a good idea,” but Ryan suffered no problems. Perhaps he is a reformed character from the man who once threw a chair 30 feet into the air after being sent off which narrowly avoided hitting a little girl, as he claims.

Instead, it was the unlikely figure of Karel who started the descent into anger with what can only be described as a two footed jumping scissor kick challenge.

How he was not sent off is a genuine mystery as it was an absolute horror tackle, despite what the former Namibian Under 21 international tried to claim afterwards when saying “I am not a violent man.”

Andy then got involved in a spat with Castle’s man mountain centre forward, whose decision to push Andy in the face allowed our number seven to again showcase some fine acting skills. When it was then pointed out that the Castle player had served time, Andy was very keen to shake his hand, give him a hug and apologise for getting hit.

Despite Andy’s pleas that getting hit in the face had been all his own fault, the Castle player entered the sin bin for his crimes and protesting about them a little too strongly to the referee. Playing shorthanded did not impact on the visitors at all; in fact, they added their fourth and final goal when a man down.

There was an element of fortune about it. Scott made an initial save and then Jack kept the follow up out on the line with a brilliant block. Unfortunately, that block smashed straight into the nose of a Castle player and into the back of the net. It was just one of those days.