Hassocks Fatboys 7-3 AFC Aymer

Sussex Sunday League Premier Division
Sunday 27th October 2019
 

There are many overused phrases in football and the most overused of all time perfectly summarises Hassocks Fatboys meeting with AFC Aymer; a game of two halves! The visitors flew out of the traps and soared into a 2-0 lead after 20 minutes and were 3-1 up after half an hour, however a momentous comeback saw the Fatboys take the win and in turn surpass our record Premier Division points total. Given we are still in October it is quite an astonishing stat whichever way you look at it.

With regular goalkeeper Scott McCarthy unavailable, centre-half Jason Gander was the man to dust off the gloves he retired a decade ago and deputise for the Fatboys’ number one. A former County League keeper for Hassocks, Gander was ever so excited to be back between the sticks before kick-off and indicated that he would be providing a Bruce Grobbelaar-esque performance which helped draw in a record-breaking crowd of 11 to Clayton. We are counting Mrs Gander’s greyhound as one of the eleven.

Gander’s and the Fatboys’ optimism was short-lived as they found themselves 2-0 down 20 minutes in. The entire home starting XI were poor during the opening exchanges, the ball wasn’t sticking up top, our midfield three were getting overran by the Aymer midfield two and the backline, well where do we begin? Having spent last Sunday playing out from the back and knocking the ball about like Pep’s Barcelona, this week it was as if a team managed by Sam Allardyce for ten years had suddenly been told to forget everything they had learned and were banned from clearing their lines at all costs.

The opener was an utter shambles and it’s hard to pick out an individual to blame as a catalogue of errors led to their striker being in a one-on-one situation with Gander who pulled off the initial save, only for the rebound to fall straight to the Aymer player’s feet to pass into an empty net.

If that wasn’t bad enough the second followed a similar pattern, Jon Ballantyne and Steve Spies, who it must be said went on to have brilliant games, were playing a grass-based version of hot potato with the football in their own penalty box. The potato clearly got too hot as Ballantyne decided to play a through ball 10 yards ahead of Spies only for an Aymer player to easily intercept and square to his mate who thumped the ball into the stanchion.

The two-goal deficit sparked the hosts into a mini-revival as they responded with a goal of their own 30 seconds after the restart. A flowing move down the right side saw Dave Keane get to the byline and whip a superb ball across the box. The Aymer centre-back got to it just ahead of Jordan Walsh and unfortunately for him he could only steer the ball past his own keeper for an own goal that the great John Humphrey would have been mightily proud of.

The positivity was short-lived as Aymer quickly restored their two-goal lead with another screamer into the top corner, and once again the grass based hot potato was a big contributor with Michael Russell joining Spies and Ballantyne in this session. At this point it looked like it could have been a cricket score and bearing in mind that the last time we played Aymer two years ago we lost 9-5, it wouldn’t have been a surprise.

Character. That was the story of the final 60 minutes of this match for the Fatboys. Perhaps it was the ill-effects of the alcohol beginning to fade, but we’ll go with character. The loving Brown brothers linked for the Fatboys second goal with Stuart slipping Andy in who just couldn’t help himself and began farting around with the ball instead of the simple choice of the first-time finish. It looked like the elder Brown had wasted the chance but he eventually showed good composure to round the keeper and smash the ball into the net.

Somehow we were level before the break, this time it was Brown Junior with the goal. A fantastic pass from Ronnie Devonish released Stuart down the left flank who showed a crafty bit of skill to beat his marker, and if you ask for his version of events he hit a pearler from 30 yards out that purposefully sailed over the keeper and into the bottom corner. If you ask anyone else present at Clayton it was an overhit cross. 3-3 at the break.

We fully understood that we had got away with one by being level after a largely abysmal first-half but there was the feeling that if we sorted ourselves out we could go on the claim all three points. Jamie Wilkes-Spies, having been a passenger for much of the first 45, claimed he had an injury for the second week running and was replaced by Charlie Tyzack. This proved to be a great move as it meant we had a fully functioning and willing right-back for the first time since Bert Lloyd was ruled out a few weeks ago.

A cagey period ensued for around 15 minutes before the Fatboys took the lead for the first time as Dave Keane poked the ball through the keeper’s legs from close range. 4-3 soon became 5-3 with the Fatboys best goal of the morning. Walsh was played in with a delightful ball down the left side, got to the byline and instead of blasting it as hard as he could from an impossible angle at the goal like he usually does he showed remarkable composure and picked substitute Dave Linehan out to stroke in from a matter of yards. A great team goal and even better to see Linehan on the score sheet after six weeks on the sidelines with broken ribs.

The vastly improved second-half performances from Spies and Ballantyne did not go unnoticed, with both winning every aerial dual and tackle they went in for which allowed the midfield and front three to start to control the game. Spies nearly helped himself to a sublime own goal, as he stretched to clear he misdirected the header which looked to be looping over Gander, who having been a spectator for most of the second period showed an anti-lob reaction Nick Jones could only dream of and acrobatically tipped the ball over the bar. Given the final score, a Spies own goal would have been a great addition to the ever growing Fatboys collection.

There was only one real opening created by Aymer and it came midway through the second period. They thought they had clawed a goal back when their right winger stabbed home a rebounded effort but the offside flag was raised by the now substituted Jordan Walsh.

Now this brings us onto to Karel Kutaa. With 20 minutes to play we made the double substitution of Joe Brockes and Karel replacing Stuart and Walsh. Brockes had a routine cameo, came on, set up of goal and looked his usually assured self. Karel on the other had been in a rather peculiar mood all morning.

He arrived at Clayton earlier on with a can of Bud in his hand, spoke about Brexit and passports and ran onto the pitch very aggressively when Keano went down injured in the first-half and squared up to a few of the Aymer players. Once on the pitch he showed a few decent touches but his day’s work will be remembered for shouting at his teammates for scoring and not squaring to him back on the halfway line. Same again next week please, Karel.

The match report will now be continued. Goals six and seven added a bit of undeserved gloss to the scoreline and were carbon copies of each other. Keane was released through on goal by A.Brown to finish one on one and then the latter was released by Brockes 10 minutes later to score an identical goal.

There was even time for S.Brown to re-enter the field of play for the final few minutes and be flagged offside several times. For the avoidance of getting into any sort of retrospective trouble similar to the sort of hot water/FA hearing Scott has landed himself in in the past, the linesman was best positioned at all times to make the correct call.

But… In injury time a through ball was played to Stubo who was a full five yards inside his own half when the ball was played, only to be flagged offside yet again. Now for the Fatboys we knew what was to come as he gave the lino so much abuse the poor bloke probably wished he kept his flag down, but at the end of it all the game was over and it was a very hard-earned three points for the men in green

A real wake-up call as we could easily have lost the match quite convincingly, so it was great to see us roll up our sleeves and win a game we looked dead and buried in. A good trait to have in the title/relegation battle ahead.
 

Fatboys (4-3-3)

Jason Gander
I don’t think there has ever been a man more excited to play a Sunday League match in goal than Jason pre-game. The excitement quickly turned to horror after the concession of three goals within the opening 30 minutes, but once Gands and more importantly the team settled down he produced an assured display and denied Steve Spies his first own-goal for the club with a fine stop late on.
Jamie Wilkes
Came off at half-time ‘injured’ for the second week on the bounce, maybe he should stop going out with Ryan John on Saturday nights. He did show a few glimpses of his talent with some lung-busting forward runs before spending the second 45 minutes cuddled up with Maicey Spies on the bench.
Steve Spies
From the 30th minute to the 90th minute, outstanding. From the first minute to the 30th minute, not so good. Perhaps the summary is a tad harsh as the entire side were well below par during the opening exchanges, however along with fellow centre-back Jon Ballantyne the pair were excellent for most of the game and gave the rest of the team the platform needed to go on to win the match in the second-half.
Jon Ballantyne
Like Spiesy, vastly improved after a difficult first half hour. For a man who plays only a handful of games each season due to an array of injuries, ailments and STIs, when he does get on the pitch he always* plays superbly. The Ballantyne/Spies partnership was like watching Carvalho/Terry in the early Mourinho years, just with a lot less hair.
Michael Russell
Another steady display from Michael, who played at left-back this week. With club legend Rob Lloyd out injured, the returning Russell has taken on the mantle of Mr 7/10 and continues to churn out solid performances week in week out having been one of our most consistent players so far this campaign.
Jack Lewis
A decent 60-minutes considering it was his first game since Kingston Village away at the end of September. What is very surprising is that Jack is yet to be carded this season, has our midfield destroyer finally come of age, or will we soon see him back in usual form with bookings galore?
Ronnie Devonish
Standard Ronnie. Turns up, runs around, breaks up play, then goes home and plays Xbox. A deeper midfield role than in the previous few weeks (mainly to allow Andy Brown to be a bit lazy and get over his hangover in the attacking midfield spot) and excelled once again.
Andy Brown
Relived his youth on Saturday evening with a night out with Jamie Wilkes and Ryan John and boy did it show with a completely ineffective start to the game. Steadily improved and contributed two well taken goals and an assist which helped mask a sub-standard all-round performance.
Dave Keane
Is the Mr Keane of our Division Three title-winning season back? It certainly looks that way. Two goals, an assist and the feeling that their left-back might be unavailable when the reverse fixture is played after the run-around Duck gave him.
Jordan Walsh
A handful as always with his workrate alone deserving a goal that didn’t come this week. He’s a defender’s worst nightmare and his efforts created an abundance of openings for Stuart and Duck which allowed them to flourish. A fine assist for Dave Linehan’s goal.
Stuart Brown
Back in the goals with a worldy to draw the Fatboys level just before the interval (an overhit cross). Finding his feet again after beginning the season with a niggling injury. He was a threat throughout, and there was even time for a late tirade at the Aymer linesman after flagging him offside for the tenth time. On this occasion it looked highly likely that he was on but the rest of the players, Denny the ref, the loyal fans and the several dog walkers at Clayton on Sunday couldn’t have cared less as we were 7-3 up at the time with less than a minute left on the clock.
 

Subs

Charlie Tyzack
Came on for Wilkes at half-time and had a brilliant game in the right-back berth. Coped well with the tricky opposition left winger and produced numerous mazy runs forward which were appreciated by the Clayton season ticket holders. Arrived at the ground with fluffy unicorn slippers which were equally well received.
Dave Linehan
Returned to the squad after six weeks out due to a rib injury sustained when one of the larger AFC 2015 players fell on him back in early September. Grabbed the crucial fifth goal in amongst the usual mileage, tricks and flicks. Good to have him back.
Karel Kutaa
An interesting morning for Karel. Spoke a lot about Brexit and once again relished his role as club physio when his pal Mr Keane went down injured in the first-half. Got on the pitch for the final 20 minutes and was most upset when his friend Mr Keane didn’t repay the favour for treating his wounds earlier on by not passing to him when through on goal. It has to be said Dave did score instead but really he should have been a bit more grateful for Karel’s aid.
Joe Brockes
The Goblin is back. 20 minutes on the left side of the front three and created the final goal with a lovely through ball for A.Brown to add a bit of gloss to the scoreline. What a player. What a bloke. Great to see him on the pitch with ex-schoolmate Spiesy.
 

Goals
25’ Own goal, assist Keane
32’ A Brown, assist S Brown
37’ S Brown, assist Devonish
61’ Keane, assist Unknown
66’ Dave Linehan, assist Walsh
74’ Keane, assist A Brown
82’ A Brown, assist Brockes
 

Man of the Match
Dave Keane was our main attacking threat and racked up two goals and an assist but centre-backs Steve Spies and Jon Ballantyne were immense in the second-half, with Ballantyne just edging the award for completing his first competitive 90 minutes for the club since last season.