Kemp Town 3-3 Hassocks Fatboys
Kemp Town win 4-3 on penalties
Roy Terrington Trophy Quarter Final
Sunday 15th March 2020
If, as seems likely, this happens to be the final game that Hassocks Fatboys play in the 2019-20 season because of cornavirus, then it was quite the way to bow out. A Roy Terrington Trophy Semi Final in which we had two men sent off against Kemp Town – probably the nicest team in the Sussex Sunday League – and ended up losing on penalties.
An enthralling game ended 3-3 after 90 minutes. Kemp Town scored four of their five penalties and as the Fatboys dismal record from 12 yards continued with the first two being missed, it left our opponents to go through to face BN Dons in a final which may now never actually take place.
We’d beaten Kemp Town on all three occasions that we’d met last season in Division One but they’ve improved dramatically since then. Most notably, they’ve signed Rob Clark following the demise of AFC 2015. Last time we’d come up against Clark was when he was playing for AFC back in November. He scored four times and left Steve Spies and Jason Gander with post traumatic stress disorder. In fact, nobody has seen hide nor hair of Gander since.
In order to try and combat the threat posed by Clark, it was decided to drop Jordan Walsh back into defence from his normal strikers berth. This proved to be a wonderful decision as within 10 minutes, Jordan had been booked for a last man lunge in which he just missed the ball. 23 minutes later and Jordan had been booked again for a last man lunge in which he just missed the ball. Goodnight, Vienna.
We’d been here before of course. Culver Road and Walsh red card go together like Stuart Brown and a KFC Bargain Bucket. Jordan had been sent off in the first half at Sussex County FA Headquarters back in September 2017 against reigning Sussex League champions AFC 2015. Despite playing for over an hour that day with only 10 men, we still found a way to win 3-1.
Repeating that trick was a task made considerably harder when Mike McDonald also saw red with 15 minutes remaining. It’s no exaggeration to say it was the worst tackle ever made in Fatboys history, Mike launching himself off the ground and nearly snapping the Kemp Town forward into two around the waist area. Even Ryan John was taken aback, and he’s a man who considers launching a chair 30 yards into the air towards a five-year-old girl an acceptable thing to do.
The Fatboys had made the perfect start to proceedings when taking the lead with just four minutes played. Kemp Town had kept the ball virtually from kick off before Karel Kutaa and Dave Keane led a lightning quick break which earned a corner. Duck swung the ball over and there was Spiesy rising like an ancient salmon to power a free header into the back of the Kemp Town net.
Kemp Town had more of the ball after that but it was the Fatboys who had the clearer chances, mainly from further set pieces. Goodness knows what Duck had been drinking last night but his corner delivery was spot on. With Kemp Town now double marking Spies, Jordan and Andy Brown both found themselves with free headers which were marginally off target.
Scott McCarthy had a couple of routine saves to make before Kemp Town grabbed an equaliser. A break down the left saw the winger get away from Jordan, meander his way into the box and deliver a low ball across goal which was turned in at the far post despite the best efforts of Mike and Spiesy.
Jordan’s red card followed shortly afterwards, which necessitated a tactical reshuffle. Mike moved from right back to centre back to partner Spiesy, Michael Russell switched from right to left with Stuart dropping into fullback. Duck and Dave Linehan became wingers either side of Andy and Ronnie Devonish in midfield and Karel was left to plough a lonely furrow up front by himself.
At this point in time, it would be lovely to report that Stuart had a complete meltdown at having to play at left back but sadly he took the decision with good grace. Even more disappointing was that he was the best player on the pitch from that moment onwards.
Despite being down to 10, the Fatboys found a way to retake the lead 10 minutes before half time. Another Duck corner caused chaos in the box and Spiesy’s downwards header was met by a brilliant looping volley from Linehan which spun into the top corner, making it 2-1 at the break.
The second half began with the Fatboys lining up in two banks of four with the aim of making it as hard as possible for Kemp Town to break through. By and large, this was a successful ploy and we looked dangerous on the break with Karel covering every blade of rubber. He even managed to lure a defender into a foul and a mouthing off, resulting in a 10 minute spell in the sin bin and a momentary even up of the numbers.
By the time that Kemp Town went down to 10, the scoreboard had ticked onto 3-2 to the Fatboys. Clark had levelled after he tapped in a loose ball following a shot rattling the cross bar. Another probing run from Karel then earned a free kick some 25 yards out. The new, pleasant version of Stuart politely asked, “Andy, can I have this free kick please?”
Andy seemed so taken aback by this civil and courteous request that for the first time in his life, he actually let Stuart have the kick without an almighty argument breaking out between the two. Stuart duly repaid the faith by bending a wonderful effort up and over the wall and into the back of the net for 3-2.
There were still 23 minutes left to go at this point. Kemp Town equalised for the third time on the night once they were down to 10 via a free header from a corner with Mike’s attempted murder coming shortly after. In the final five minutes, McCarthy made two excellent saves at full stretch to tip a header and a long distance effort onto the bar. He continued that fine form when keeping out Kemp Town’s first penalty of the shoot out with another extraordinary save low down to his left.
Joe Brockes had already seen the Fatboy’s opening kick saved by that point, having been introduced in the final seconds of normal time as a ‘penalty taking expert.’ The Kemp Town keeper then kept out Stuart’s penalty and although Spiesy, Karel and Andy all scored, Kemp Town also converted all of those. McCarthy for his part was blind by this point having lost a contact lens in the process of making that first save.
And that was that. Before our game, the other semi final between Castle Sports and BN Dons had gone to a penalty shoot out which ended 42-41 as neither side could miss. While we were watching the drama unfold, Stuart had said rather prophetically, “If this was us, it would have been over in four penalties as we’d miss them all.”
Not only was the penalty shoot out over in five kicks, but the season too seemingly. It was a strange way for things to end, especially with the Sussex FA were taking the coronavirus threat so seriously as they made us get changed in the entrance way to Culver Road afterwards. You must wash your hands every 20 minutes to prevent the virus spreading, but you can’t have a showers after two hours of football because the Susses FA want to go home at 10pm.
Presuming that none of us picked up the disease thanks to their negligence, then we’ll see you again next season. Stay safe, look after each other – and maybe we’ll have learned how to take a penalty by then.
Hassocks Fatboys (4-3-3)
Scott McCarthy
Didn’t have that much to do until the final five minutes when his two fingertip saves ensured the tie went to penalties. Channelled his inner Nick Jones to keep Kemp Town’s first spot kick out.
Mike McDonald
He was going pretty well until deciding that the final 15 minutes of a cup semi final was the moment to channel his inner Harold Shipman and murder someone.
Jordan Walsh
Four games for the Fatboys at Culver Road now. Two red cards and two yellows. Perhaps we’ll just not tell him next time we have to play there?
Steve Spies
The veteran could barely move by the time the full time whistle blew but still found a way to power his spot kick home. A deserved goal and dealt much better with the threat posed by Clark than last time he faced the striker, which might have been because he hadn’t turned up clutching a can of gin and tonic on this occasion.
Michael Russell
“I’m just going to put my foot through it today” he said after last times little tiff with Andy about overplaying at the back. He was true to his word and didn’t put a foot wrong at either left back or right back.
Ronnie Devonish
Another all action display in the middle of the park in which he sat in and allowed Andy to get forward.
Andy Brown
Came close to scoring on a couple of occasions and converted his penalty with aplomb. Picked up a booking for a horror tackle of his own, something he can probably ill afford after a disastrous time at Cheltenham in the lead up to the game.
Dave Linehan
Restored to his normal midfield role after doing a job at left back last time out. His goal was a thing of beauty.
Dave Keane
Another assist from one of the 30 superb corners he delivered. We even got to see Duck doing some defensive work when he finished the game at right back following Mike’s red card.
Karel Kutaa
Seems to save his best games for 3G. Didn’t stop running, was a constant threat throughout with the only thing missing a goal. His decision to shoot from 60 yards when we were holding onto a 3-2 lead was questionable, however.
Stuart Brown
Saved his best performance of the season for last, rolling back the years to show why he was named in Four Four Two magazine’s Top Five Left Backs in Sussex Under the Age of 20 list in 2009.
Subs
Ryan John
Had to make do with a place on the bench in case his temperament let him down in such a big game. Had the last laugh as he watched Jordan and Mike trudge off having been red carded.
Joe Brockes
Came on in the final seconds because of his excellent record from the penalty spot. Missed the first penalty in the shoot out.
Goals
04′ Spies, assist Keane
36′ Linenhan, assist Spies
67′ S Brown, assist Kutaa
Man-of-the-Match
Steve Spies was excellent at the back, Karel Kutaa didn’t stop running but it has to go to Stuart Brown for a mature and professional showing at left back.