Martin the man as Fatboys sink Swans

If a week is a long time in politics, then four days is a long time at Hassocks Fatboys. Here we were on Sunday discussing how terrible the Fatboys are in friendlies, having won just four in five years. Fast forward to Thursday and it was a completely different scene at Downlands as Lindfield Reserves were well beaten 3-2.

It could have been more. It should’ve been more. Sunday’s much improved second half performance against Point to Point – which we actually won 2-1, a fact lost in amongst the obituaries – came as a result of a switch from last seasons 4-3-Brown-2 to a new look 4-4-Brown-1. The Fatboys stuck with that here and looked all the better for it, keeping a rare first half clean sheet.

Scott McCarthy was rarely troubled, making just two comfortable stops. The only danger that John Humphrey and Daniel Pidgeon looked in was when Humphrey took a volley straight into the bollocks from no more than five yards that would’ve circumcised a lesser man. Jon Ballantyne and Michael Russell were stroking the ball across the back from their respective full back positions.

Jack Lewis and Dan Jacques gave high energy performances in the middle of the park – yes, Jacquesy really was high energy – while Sam Lowe delivered some lovely balls from the left. Andy Brown was Andy Brown, Jordan Walsh never stopped running and goodness knows what they are putting in the Stella 4 at the Club but Pete Martin is playing like a man possessed.

There were chances. So many chances. Lowe couldn’t properly connect to a raking Brown pass to the back post. Martin glided in from the right past three men to crash an effort goalwards that Tom Allen did brilliantly to keep out. Jacques went close when he couldn’t quite get one out from under his feet.

Somebody on the sidelines – possibly Simon O’Brien, for he is known as a notorious negative bastard – said it couldn’t last. But it did. Allen denied Brown one-on-one. Lewis sent Martin away, his low cross found Walsh who smashed one onto the bar. Walsh got in again but his lob and then header was kept out in a brilliant double stop.

The goal did eventually arrive shortly before half time and it was one of the best moves of the game, some lovely football resulting in Jacques playing a diagonal into the box, Walsh stepped over and the loose ball made its way to Martin who slotted home at the far post. 

There was a great chance for Lindfield to equalise but McCarthy got just enough on a cross to divert it from Lewis Turpin’s path, making it appear as though Turpin had managed to miss an open goal. This gave us our first ‘Jacquesy Squeal’ of the season which no doubt would’ve delighted Fatboys legend Alex Ternouth, now in The Swans dugout as he continues his rehab from a broken leg. 

So that was a pretty good first half. The natural reaction then was to make seven changes and switch to a 4-3-3. On came Jason Gander, Gary Whittington, Calum Cannon, Dave Linehan, Joe Brockes and Chris Clayton.

Particularly pleasing were the returns of Whittington after his latest spell of being a burden to the NHS and Brockes. Brockesy took last season off for health reasons, which seems to have done him the world of good as he made his first Fatboys appearance since March 2016 with a bowel infection for which he is taking anti biotics.

Gander meanwhile is gaining a Nostradamus like reputation for accurate prophecies of impending doom and he was it again at half time. “We’ve looked solid at the back so far. Now we’ve changed the team and formation we are inevitably going to start conceding and it will look like it is all my fault.”

Lindfield were 2-1 ahead within 10 minutes of the restart. McCarthy made two good stops early on, the second of which at full stretch led to a corner which led to a free header at the back post. 1-1. Some neat attacking play from Lindfield then worked its way to a midfielder on the edge of the box and he ghosted in to nutmeg McCarthy. 2-1.

Gander got his first handball of the season in with a quite brilliant full length dive on the edge of the box which came to nothing and that was the cue to abandon 4-3-3 and return to 4-4-1-1. Suddenly Lindfield’s purple patch was over and soon the Fatboys were level.

Clayton was donning what can only be described as the sort of faded white shorts covered in years of grime that you were forced to wear from the lost property box if you forgot your kit for Year 5 PE, but this had no bearing on his influence on the game as he flicked one on for Martin to double his and the Fatboys tally.

Five further changes followed the equaliser and it was one of those who got what proved to be the winner. Brockes was the architect, doing brilliantly to pull back to O’Brien with the veteran striker showing all his years of experience to roll home off the post.

If Allen in the Lindfield goal prevented a landslide in the first half then it was some questionable decision making that prevented it in the second. Both Brockes and Clayton had the ball in the net, the former finishing with typical neatness after being played in by Jacques only to be denied by an offside flag and the latter adjudged to have fouled Allen when heading home.

Not that it mattered as the Fatboys held on despite an inordinate amount of stoppage time – a conspiracy theorist may suggest that Aaron Walsh was letting the game go on until Lindfield equalised – to claim that rarest of friendly wins.