Waterhall woes end as Fatboys defeat Queens Park

Waterhall has been a dark and desolute place for Hassocks Fatboys in recent times. The grass has been a little longer, the labour camp style changing rooms a little colder and the road in and out a little tougher to negotiate.

But for the visit of Queens Park, the sun shine brightly and the place felt less like a venue dreamed up by the Nazi’s to keep prisoners and more like a place where unicorns could run wild and free if they chose and the sweetest fruit grows on every tree; for the Fatboys won their first home game at Waterhall for 21 months.

Before this 2-1 success, you had to go back 21 months to February 2014 to find the last time we had left those squalid changing room facilities with three points. That was a 6-4 win over Newmarket from the Fatboys days in Division One.

So this was a most welcome three points and, in particular, a most welcome return to the defensive solidity that shaped those promising early weeks in the season back in September. Having conceded nine times last week and 23 times in their last five games, the Fatboys let in just the one having addressed the problem of leaking goals as if they were private memos from Theresa May’s government by deciding to move to an even more attacking 4-3-3 formation.

The team was in good spirits before the game, helped partly by the return to the proceedings of Bailey the Dog. This even managed to cheer up Jon Ballantyne, who had arrived in what can only be described as a ‘Bally State’ by having finally stopped drinking at 6.30am, just the three hours before the meet. “What else can you do when you run out of stuff to drink gin with, other than have it straight?” Ballantyne asked before falling asleep on the sideline.

Not much happened in the first half to be brutally honest. Both sides had chances that were relatively easy for the respective goalkeepers to deal with and Queens Park managed to loose one ball into the water works within around 10 minutes of kick off.

The Fatboys back four in particular was doing well; Michael Russell, Jason Gander, Daniel Pidgeon and in particular Peter Martin in an unfamiliar right back role – which he did not storm off up the hill and kick a water bottle away because of, please take note Stuart for when you are finally deported from Australia – keeping the visiting attack quiet, much as they had in the opening game of the season between the two.

At the other end, Ananda Hoque and Kieran Poulton were continuing where they had left off last week by running themselves into the ground for the team with an amount of pace that Gander described as “frightening”, although it should probably be noted that Gander has also been known to consider the speed of a mobility scooter as on a par with Lewis Hamilton’s W07 Hybrid Mercedes.

The Fatboys took the lead with just five minutes of the half remaining as Jordan Walsh closed in further on his 15 goal target to trigger the much-vaunted Scott McCarthy tattoo. Andy Brown was the architect, sending the striker in and Walsh did what he does best with a neat finish into the bottom corner.

Dan Jacques loves hearing the phrase “weather advantage” in any half time team talk but for once, there actually was one with a strong wind growing across Pitch 8. The Fatboys had done well to get in at half time having not only dealt with it, but managed to keep a clean sheet in it, and the feeling was that if we could get the second goal then the game would be killed off.

Now, normally when this sort of instruction goes out we conspire to do the complete opposite. So it was very pleasing that for once, we actually heeded what was said. The men in green dominated the first 15 minutes of the second half and were rewarded when Jacques made it 2-0, sweeping home a Martin cross after Martin was pushed up into the attack as part of a half time reshuffle that saw Gary Whittington replace Hoque.

2-0 ahead, now all the Fatboys had to do was see the game out. Gander in particular was keen to offer some sage advice, shouting “back in our two banks of four, keep it tight” which was particularly helpful in light of the fact we were playing 4-3-3.

Regular readers of this match report will know that even had Gander been able to offer some words of wisdom based on the formation we were actually playing, the Fatboys still have a great ability to make the simplest of tasks into a bloody ordeal.

Well, that was the case again here as we were hanging on for the final 20 minutes. Jack Lewis was attempting to set a world record for most times one man can win possession back but his efforts couldn’t prevent two quite fascinating own goal attempts from Whittington and Pidgeon, who seemed to be looking to add to their collection after both had been on target for AFC Aymer the previous week.

Sam Lowe was introduced for Poulton who had again run himself into the ground while any hopes of introducing further fresh legs at the back were curtailed by Ballantyne stating categorically “Do not bring me on unless someone is dead.,” which you would hope would actually lead to the game being abandoned rather than a mere substitution.

Queens Park pressure eventually told and they pulled one back with between 10 and 15 minutes remaining, a ball bouncing around the box which neither Jacques, Gander or Whittington on the line could deal with and it was eventually hooked in during the scramble in predatory style by the striker.

That set up a nervy last 10 minutes and there were a couple of let offs from a Fatboys point of view, particularly as we resorted to that bad habit of the last few weeks of giving away needless fouls in silly places. There was also one spectacular piece of time wasting from Russell as with the referee awarding Queens Park another free kick, the full back ran what looked to be at least 20 yards and just booted the ball off the pitch in the complete opposite direction. He was booked for his troubles, making it arguably the best £10 to go to the Sussex FA so far this season.

After what seemed like a lifetime and a few more half chances from Queens Park with Gander in particular providing one perfect late block, the referee blew his final whistle. And with it, the Waterhall curse was over, the sun was shining and the Fatboys were back up to third in the Premier Division table. Let’s hope we aren’t waiting until August 2019 for our next Waterhall win, largely because most of us will probably be retired by then.

Line up

Scott McCarthy
A solid morning bar one late drop. Distribution was surprisingly good given the wind
Peter Martin
Excellent at the back in first half and set up the 2nd when pushed up front
Daniel Pidgeon
Didn’t suffer any PTSD after last week with a much more assured showing
Jason Gander
Added a sense of calm to the back after last week. “Two banks of 4” shout while playing 4-3-3 was genius
Michael Russell
His excellent season continues. Picked up a fine and unneeded booking
Jack Lewis
A typically meaty display in midfield, showing no ill-effects of last weeks Amsterdam trip
Andy Brown
Claimed another assist. Led by example in much improved showing from last week
Dan Jacques
Scored what proved to be the winner to take the MOM award, much to his delight
Ananda Hoque
Revelled in his role on the right of the front three with a fine first half display
Jordan Walsh
Led the line impeccably despite playing with a knock. Another goal for the collection
Kieran Poulton
Some typical driving runs, he ran himself into the ground for the team again

Subs

Gary Whittington
Dealt well with a tricky winger with some nice slide tackles which didn’t break his muscles
Sam Lowe
Replaced Poulton up top and had a couple of shots on goal which tested the keeper
Jon Ballantyne
Unused

Man of the Match

Jason Gander was a rock at the back but Dan Jacques scored what turned out to be the winner to end the Waterhall curse for the Fatboys

Goals

Walsh 41 (assist Brown), Jacques 63 (assist Martin)

Bookings

Russell, kicking the ball away into another post code